


I Wanna Hold Your Hand

by phandomghostwriter



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Fluff, Innocent, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, biromance, hand holding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-06-12 20:20:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 36,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15347937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phandomghostwriter/pseuds/phandomghostwriter
Summary: Collection of Andrew Siwicki and Garrett Watts oneshots.





	1. I Wanna Hold Your Hand

**Author's Note:**

> I do not claim that this is real or cast any aspirations.
> 
>  
> 
> I love this story  
> https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14997/im-an-otherwise-straight-man-who-fell-in-love-with-his-best-friend.html  
> That is what inspired this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew and Garrett watch Kill Bill II and Andrew tried to figure out if he has a crush or not.
> 
> Rating: G

They were both laying on Garrett’s bed watching a movie that played from his computer monitor that had been precariously set up. It was really the only place to sit comfortably in Garrett’s tiny house. He had convinced Andrew to watch Kill Bill II because apparently it had been years since Andrew had seen it.  
He was honestly having a hard time watching the movie. Andrew knew he was supposed to be paying attention, after all Garrett had put the movie on for him, but he was having a hard time getting comfortable. He had been thinking about a lot of things lately that were stressing him out. He and Garrett had been spending a lot of time together, and it was starting to confuse the heck out of him.  
Garrett was good with compliments, he was helpful when it came to editing, he knew a lot of Andrew’s food orders, they spent a lot of time in car rides together talking or in comfortable silence, and he made Andrew laugh more than just about anyone. And then there was this. They could just lay on Garrett's bed and watch a movie together, and while it wasn’t like it was something he hadn’t done before, he had to be honest, it just felt different somehow. He had never had a gay best friend. He didn’t care, he truly didn’t care, in fact he felt pretty good when he would receive sincere compliments from Garrett, or even Shane and Ryland. He was just wondering if maybe all of this was starting to get to his head a little. If he were 1,000% honest with himself he felt like he was developing a crush.  
It was different. It wasn’t easy like the way it was with girls. He would see a girl, find them attractive, learn about their personality traits, and if both lined up it was pretty easy for that to develop into an interest. This was not like that at all. This was something slow moving, and quiet, and confusing.  
It was more like additional steps. With friendships you reach a plateau of closeness and you stay there. He felt like he should have reached that by now, but he hadn’t. He was still climbing a very steep and treacherous hill, and the next phase of that journey was a desire to hold Garrett’s hand.  
The way they were laying it would be very easy to simply reach over and lace their fingers together. The more he thought about it the more nervous he became. The last thing he wanted to do was lead Garrett on. He didn’t want to get himself into something he couldn’t back out of. 

“Hey Earth to Andrew,” Garrett said waving that same hand right in front of his face. “I asked you a question,” he added laughing.

“Sorry what?” He said quickly trying to hide whatever nervousness he had going on.

“Who would you give a truth serum to?” he said raising his eyebrows. 

“What?” he asked nervously.

“The superman monologue, who would you give a truth serum to?” he said now pointing to the monitor. Andrew looked to the monitor and then looked down wringing his hands together. “Hey, are you alright?” Garrett asked a little worried.

“Yeah, sorry. I think I would give it to you,” and damnit why did he say that?

“Ohhh, you would give it to me would you, what secrets are you wanting to know Andrew? You know most of them. You don’t get to know what your birthday present is though, no way, not giving that up. It is way to good and you are never getting it out of me,” he chortled. “I personally would give it to the Queen of England.” That made Andrew actually giggle a little bit.

“Why in the hell would you give it to the Queen of England?”

“Where does she breed the corgis? Where can I get a corgi? How many corgis are there? What does she do all day? What music does she listen to? I bet she listens to some good music and she just says she listens to violins or something. She is probably bumping some Beyonce.” he said with a far off look.

“What in the world?” Andrew just kept laughing.

“What Andrew? It’s true!” he said defensively. Andrew just covered his face with his hands and kept giggling. This helped a little. “Want to tell me what’s going on?” Well that didn’t help.

Andrew took in a deep breath and let it out as a sigh. He didn’t know what to say. If he were feeling this way about anyone else he would tell Garrett and he would likely have the best advice, but the problem was that person was Garrett. That’s when he got the idea. Maybe he would tell Garrett, without actually telling Garrett. 

“Garrett I have been feeling weird, and I don’t really know how to explain the situation,” he started.

“Do you want to try?” And there was that face. The gentle face that he got that was kind and always full of understanding. Under all the jokes, and the character, and the YouTube videos, there was this, and this was so confusing. 

“I have a friend,” and he had to look down because he could already feel his face heating up, was he really going to say this? “I have a friend,” he started again “and I thought of them as just a friend for a long time. We would just hang out, and everything with this person is very easy, until now,” and he looked back up at Garrett. “They are a really close friend and I don't know, you normally get to a point with friends where you can’t get any closer unless you want to be more than friends. I don’t feel like I want to stop getting close yet, and that is scary and really confusing because this friend is a guy, and I’m not attracted to guys, at least I was pretty sure I wasn’t,” and he had to look down again because looking at Garrett’s searching eyes was going to make him sick from how nervous he felt. 

“I think people look at this like it’s a fence you cross over, when really it is one big field, and some people are on one end of the field, and some people are on the other, and some people are running back and forth all over the place, and we are all in the same tall grass picking flowers just trying to live our lives out on this field,” and Andrew looked up at him again. 

“What if we are on opposite ends of the field, and they aren’t going to want to leave their comfortable spot to come try and figure out my uncomfortable one,” and this was easier, talking in metaphors. 

“Well it depends. There are some people who won't leave their spot. They are comfortable there, and they are proud to be there, and it took them a long time to set up shop. Then there are other people who no matter where they walk on the field everyone knows where they are from. They could be going for a nice visit to the other side to see a friend, and then return home. Think of Shane and Ryland. Ryland is on one side of the field. He could have said no to Shane, a person who walks from one end to the other, and sometimes just hangs out in the middle. he could have told him no way am I going to spend a second with someone like that. He did though, and look where they are now. It doesn’t mean that Ryland moved to the middle of the field, and it doesn’t mean that Shane moved away from it all the way to the other side, it just means they found one another and it is working. Depending on who your friend is will depend on where you can go. If that person is strictly on one side and refuses to leave their side, then it is going to be really hard to help you take a baby step into the middle. If they are willing to meet you where you are and take those steps with you, then everything will be fine,” he said giving a sad smile. 

Before he could stop himself the question was leaving his mouth. “Where are you on the field Garrett?” His eyes went wide and then he tried to contain himself again. Garrett's smile turned into a much happier one.

“It depends. I would say I am pretty open. I have defiantly purchased a tiny house on one side of the field complete with two mice, and a tiny bug mansion. I am willing to leave that tiny house though if the person means something to me or if I know they are genuine. There are people who like to play games. They like to pretend they are on one side and then at night when everyone is sleeping they run to the other side of the field like some covert operation and some people let them in and enjoy the secrecy of that. I am not into that. I am comfortable in my tiny house at night alone. If someone is honestly seeking though in the light of day the door is open, and we can even hide behind it for a while, but no covert operations. I hope that makes sense,” he said pushing his glasses up that had fallen down. 

“It does. I am not a good spy, so no covert operations here. I just want to hold that person’s hand and see if that makes me feel better or worse. I am not sure that is fair to them though, and I don’t want to ruin this friendship because it is a really good one.” Why did this have to be so hard? He really didn’t want to mess everything up.

“You have to decide if things working out is worth the risk. Can you see a future with them, or is it something else?” It looked like Garrett was becoming nervous.

Andrew closed his eyes for a minute. He had never let himself actually picture it. Would he be able to make things work out? If he could figure out the closeness and could figure out a relationship with Garrett, could he see a future? Garrett was so different from him. He wore thrift store shirts, and loved Harry Potter, and was albeit a bit messy, and if Andrew was pop music, Garrett was an entire indie band. They had the same type of job though, the same friends, spend most of their time together, communicated well, and they were always laughing. It was a weird picture because it was different. Garrett was taller than him, a gentle giant. He had facial hair. He was a man. If Andrew could just get over his heterosexual mind gap and live in the field he could see it. It would take time and patience and figuring out a lot of things, but he could see it. 

“Yes!” He blurted out. “I can see it,” he said smiling. 

“Well now it is up to you if you want to tell him or not. Just be careful, not everyone is open and I don’t want you to get hurt,” he cautioned. Was Garrett really so clueless? 

“Garrett it is you,” He said eyes pleading. 

“Oh thank goodness, I was about to be really jealous of some other guy,” he said covering his eyes with his hand effectively smashing his glasses into his face, then flung his arms back out on the bed with his eyes still closed relieved.

Andrew just giggled at him and then looked down at his right hand which was lying there palm up and he laid back on the bed and gently placed his hand in Garrett’s, so Garrett could easily slip his hand away if he didn’t want it there. Garrett looked over and smiled and then laced their fingers together. It was warm, and Garrett’s hand was a lot bigger than his which was different, but it felt right. 

“We take this at your pace okay,” He whispered, and Andrew just nodded and gave his hand a squeeze. 

“Now we are going to rewind Kill Bill because the Superman monologue is important,” he added firmly.

“It is only fitting that this would happen while watching Kill Bill. Only with you Garrett,” He laughed. 

That was all they did that night was hold hands and finish Kill Bill II, and when Andrew left to go home he gave Garrett a hug and it wasn't their first hug but it was their nicest, and he felt safe knowing this was all happening with someone he trusted and was first and foremost, his friend.


	2. Bug Manor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett is feeling self conscious after reviewing footage of himself shot by Andrew. Andrew is worried that the reason Garrett is being quiet is because he upset him. Can they sort out their insecurities together?
> 
> Rating: G

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I got such positive feedback I decided to write more. I debated for a while if I was going to make this a separate work but I have decided to make this a series of one shots in the same universe. So if you want more of this brand of Garrett and Andrew you will find it here. I like the idea of progressing their relationship without having to stress about making it a true chaptered fic.
> 
> Also, I do not claim that this is real. I am about 100% certain it is not and do not cast any aspirations on them. 
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Also also: none of my work uses a beta. I don't have friends, k, bye.

They had been at Shane’s all night editing. This new series was honestly kicking all of their asses and what started as a night of jokes and positive attitudes had slipped into deep silence and Garrett and Andrew sitting on opposite couches. There was absolutely nothing wrong with them as a unit, but they both needed to focus and Andrew found himself chewing on the same piece of mint gum from 3 in the morning until 6.  
Garrett was working on his own video that would be apart of the series and would need to go up the same time as Shane’s on his own channel. He watched the same scene over and over and over. No amount of editing seemed to be able to get it right. He adjust the zooming. He adjusted the speed. He adjusted the the white balance, the tone, and even looked for over an hour for a funny sound, effect, or photo to add in to see if maybe that would work. He liked the beginning of the clip a lot. Morgan had said something really funny and Andrew could be heard giggling from behind the camera in a really cute way. Shane’s rebuttal to Morgan’s comment was even funnier and the way Ryland said “Shane!” followed up at the same time as Garrett saying “Shane!” made it a good piece to leave in. He had more clips that were similar, but they just weren't as funny. The problem was the way Garrett was currently feeling about his appearance in the video. It seemed silly really. Garrett could think back to so many clips of him that had already been published, and had millions of views that he likely looked worse in. It had become part of the character he played. He was goofy, and wore patterned shirts and colored pants, and they made digs about whether or not he showered. This tiny moment that you see him cut down to 2.8 seconds was not going to matter. No one was going to care. Maybe it was the fact that he had been up all night for the second time in a row. Maybe it was the stress of needing the video up by Thursday at Noon and it was officially 6:30am Wednesday morning. Maybe it was the fact that he kept making sideways glances at Andrew who looked so damn beautiful. He had been up all night too, and there he was in soccer pants and a thin grey t-shirt that hung loose on his shoulders, and his glasses hung just low enough on his nose to make Garrett want to get up and press them upon his face for him.  
The problem with their blossoming relationship was it brought up some of Garrett’s dormant body insecurities. He had resigned himself for a while that he didn't have anyone to impress, and it turns out he was needing to impress someone the entire time. He was having a hard time watching himself in a video shot a week before his talk with Andrew and realizing that he had looked the way he did in this particular angle of Andrew’s camera lens. That was exactly how Andrew saw him. His hair was dirty from just waking up, he had on the same shirt from the night before, and he was lying there eating Cheetos. That had been a bit of a gag for Shane’s video, but still. He felt big and gross, and there Andrew was to capture it all. Andrew had been there to capture so many of his dumb and gross moments, and he didn’t understand why he would want to be with him. He was worried that maybe he was just confused, or maybe he was going to realize how big and gross he was the closer they became, and Garrett would be left broken-hearted.  
Eventually he had to stop. He couldn’t keep playing the same clip over and over, and he couldn’t keep sitting on Shane’s couch. He needed to go home and lay down, preferably under a pile of blankets big enough for him to hide under. 

__

Andrew was pretty good at staying focused, but he was having a hard time. It started off as a productive editing session, but by 5 AM his eyes were starting to go blurry.  
By 6 he had got to a section of footage that had a lot of Garrett. He found himself getting sidetracked. It was crazy to think that when that had been filmed they had just been friends. Garrett had no clue how he felt, and Andrew wasn’t sure if he really did either. He still wasn’t sure what to call what they were. He settled that they were a thing. They hadn’t even told Shane and Ryland yet.  
After going through the footage for a few minutes he couldn’t help but steal a couple glances at Garrett. He looked very focused. His brow was furrowed and his hat had slid down almost meeting his glasses. He was nervously shaking his foot. Andrew wanted to go cuddle up next to him. He looked so different from the Garrett currently on his screen. On-screen Garrett was soft and smiley and adorable. Real life Garrett looked like he needed a nap, and soft fingers to smooth out the wrinkles on his forehead. 

__

It wasn’t until 7 that they were stepping into Garrett’s Prius. His floorboards were a mess which only made him feel worse.

“I’m sorry it is such a mess,” he said quietly looking forward. 

“I think I made half of this mess Garrett,” Andrew said looking up at him. He was hoping he would look back at him but he didn’t. He just started the car. 

They sat in somewhat uncomfortable silence for a while, while Garrett backed out of Shane’s precarious driveway and continued down the street. Andrew could tell something was up. He had been in the car with Garrett after these late nights more than once, and he had never acted this way before. Whenever Garrett was upset before, he would come to Andrew and talk to him, and Andrew would help him by giving advice, and hanging out, and the same went for Andrew. That is what you do when you're friends. This was the first time either of them had been upset since they had become a thing, and he had an idea in his mind but it was making him a little nervous. He didn’t want to make him more upset, and he wasn’t sure if it was him that had made Garrett upset. He had spent most of the night away from him, but that was because he and Shane had to sit together to go over the staging of the video. Garrett had to understand that right? The only other person who understood these editing sessions in their entirety was Garrett.  
He couldn’t handle it anymore, and he honestly missed him in such a cheesy way that probably would have made him cringe a week ago, but forget it, he was going to do it anyway, so Andrew reached down and grabbed Garrett’s arm smoothing out his balled up fist and laced their fingers together. That was when finally, finally, Garrett looked over at Andrew for just a moment with a softer expression, albeit a little surprised, and then trained his eyes back on the road.  
That was the end of it. They didn’t talk about it. They simply held hands the long drive to Andrew’s. 

“Can I come over later? Before the editing?” Andrew asked squeezing Garrett’s hand a little. He was nervous he would be rejected. 

“Yes, I’ll text you when I wake up,” he said trying his hardest to give a smile. 

And then they were hugging somewhat desperately, each thinking the other was going to potentially leave them, and neither of them knowing how the other one felt. 

__

Garrett immediately slumped down into his bed when he got home and covered himself up hoping he could curl in on himself. He was exhausted, and he was sad. He was wondering why Andrew wanted to see him before Shane’s tonight. His logical brain was telling him that as someone who just told you they like you, they likely want to spend time with you alone without a ton of people around, but Garrett wasn’t using much logic at the moment. Instead, he thought that Andrew was likely going to tell him he had changed his mind, and that he wanted things to go back to the way they were. It took him all of about 15 minutes of laying there to convince himself that, that was definitely what was happening tonight, and 10 more to fall into a sleep with quiet tears falling from his eyes. 

__

Andrew wanted to wait for Garrett’s text, he really did. He also didn’t want to seem as needy as he currently felt, but it was time to figure out what the hell was wrong. He hadn’t been able to sleep well. His roommates had been moving about the apartment a little loudly and he just wished he could have stayed with Garrett. He was awake again by 1 and he had fallen asleep around 8 in the morning. He got in the shower and willed the hot water to wake him up. He eventually got out after the water ran tepid and began getting ready for the day. He wanted to look nice, but he knew that they would just be up all night again anyway, so he slipped on a new pair of Adidas pants and his elf sweatshirt that made Garrett smile when he saw it. He made sure his hair was just right and he smelled nice and then finally after waiting about as long as he was willing to he finally texted Garrett at 2:30.

__

Garrett woke up at noon. He wanted to sleep more, but he couldn’t. He woke up with a renewed frustration. If he wasn’t able to sleep, and he wasn’t able to change the way he looked, and he couldn’t edit the video, and he couldn’t change how Andrew saw him, he was going to change the way Andrew saw his house. so that was what he did. He spent the better part of 2 hours angrily cleaning his tiny house making it look as spotless as possible. When he finally had it the way he wanted he got in the shower and cleaned his body too. He was thankful that the steam from the shower had fogged up the bathroom mirror so he could brush his teeth. He already knew what he was going to wear today. He had a pair of green pants that he didn’t hate himself in and he had an all black t-shirt that fit loosely away from his body. He didn’t want to wear a colorful shirt today.  
By the time he had gotten dressed he had noticed Andrew’s text.  
Hey, I am going to go grab coffee soon.  
Want me to grab you some?  
Garrett still wanted to shave, and review the footage, and do anything to delay this conversation. He knew he couldn’t do that though, and He still had a good half an hour until Andrew would be at his house. He was also in need of caffeine. So rather than delaying, or pushing him away like he tended to do, he replied.  
Yes, please. I should be ready by  
the time you stop by.

__

Andrew was nervous when he tentatively knocked on the door. He couldn’t help but look over at Garrett’s Bug Manor and smile. There was currently a spider that had taken up residence in there and was crawling all over Rose. It was the absolute silliest lawn decoration he had ever seen, and slightly creepy with all the little babies sat out front. It was very Garrett though to go around and search for something like that.  
He was shaken out of his thoughts by the door opening. Garrett looked different. He wasn’t sure exactly how but it was different. He was trying to go through a mental checklist of what it could be, but he couldn’t figure it out yet.  
“Thanks,” he said quietly.  
“Oh! Yeah, I thought I was going to fall over so I don’t doubt you feel the same,” he said awkwardly.  
He stepped inside and noticed that everything was a lot cleaner from the afternoon before. His bed was made the nicest he had ever seen it, his computer monitor had been put back on his desk from where they had set it up on a stack of books atop a chair to watch movies. The desk it currently resided on was completely cleared off. There were no clothes on the floor. It was very very clean. On any other day Andrew would compliment him for having cleaned up, but he knew how tired Garrett was and this meant he must not have slept very much at all to clean his entire apartment.  
“What time did you wake up?” He asked setting their coffee down on a small table.  
“Sometime around 12 I think? I couldn’t sleep,” he said sadly.  
“Are you okay?” He asked.  
“Just worried about things,” and Garrett was not going to concede first.  
“Can we sit down?” Andrew asked with a small sigh.  
“Yeah,” and they made their way over to Garrett’s freshly made bed.  
Andrew was looking at his hands, he wanted to ask, and knew he had to but it was hard. He didn’t really want to know the answer.  
“Garrett are you having second thoughts? If you are it’s okay. I get it. I know that I can’t be in this 100% right away. I know I am pretty difficult at the moment, and this is all confusing, and I just get it if you don’t feel like dealing with all of this,” and then he chanced a glance up at Garrett only to find a shocked expression.  
“No, I'm not, I promise I'm not,” Garrett said quickly. He was surprised. He thought for sure Andrew was done with him, never had he thought that he would feel the other way around. “I’m scared,” he started again. “That one day you're going to see how big and gross I am and realize that you made a mistake. You are going to find someone else so much better and leave me,” and it was his turn to look down. Soon he felt arms wrap around him. He weakly attempted a return but his arms were caged in.  
“You’re not big and gross. Well your tall, but I think that is a good thing. I make a mess of half your house and car at this point. Also, I want you to remember how far out of my way I am going because I want to be with you,” And he leaned back so he could look at Garrett. “I haven’t felt this way before, and it is new, and exciting, and really scary. I don’t want this with anyone else but you though,” and he ran his fingers through the sides of Garrett’s hair and then rested his hands on either side of his face and kissed him. It was slow and sweet and new, and after a few seconds they pulled away to look at each other again.  
“Thank you, I’m sorry I made you feel like I was going to leave. I promise I will not ghost you,” he said smiling.  
“Good because you can’t, we spend all our time together, also I know how to ghost hunt now,” Andrew said laughing and then swiftly tackled Garrett onto the bed.  
“Oh my gosh I have to show you that creepy doll I have that makes that EMF thing go off, it is so spoooooky,” he said out of breath looking up at Andrew.  
“I would rather not. I would like to come back, and Benjamin is enough. also Rose has a new resident at Bug Manor. It is a spider who has decided to crawl on her head like a hat and I have named it James,” he said like it was the most normal thing in the world.  
“Aww, why do you get to name it?” Garrett whined.  
“I saw it first. You need to keep up with your bugs,” He said giggling.  
“I have a big show I am running here Andrew. What, with the mice, and the bugs, and the ghost, and Benjamin, and you. I have a lot on my plate.” he whined again.  
“Well for now they are all taken care of and we are going to go to sleep,” he said standing up. “Get up come on.”  
“I don’t think you know how sleeping works,” Garrett said incredulously.  
“Well you tucked your sheets in so tight we wont be able to get under them unless you stand up,” he said waiting. It honestly was a lot of firsts. That was the first time they kissed, and this would be the first time Andrew intended to cuddle with Garrett while they shared a bed.  
Garrett eventually got up and untucked everything and slipped in first somewhat unsure. then Andrew got in. They started off laying like they always did, on their backs like they were going to watch a movie with a good foot of space between them but then Andrew looked at Garrett and tapped his own chest hoping by some miracle that he would understand what he was trying to say. Soon very slowly Garrett moved over to lay his head on Andrew’s chest sliding an arm to hug across his body. Slowly Andrew brought his right arm up to run his fingers through Garrett’s hair which helped Garrett to finally relax down all the way.  
“Is this okay?” Garrett asked.  
“Yes. I have been thinking about doing this since last night when you looked upset. You need to sleep some more,” he said sliding his hand from his hair to the space in-between his shoulders.  
“There is a clip I can’t edit. It is funny, but I don’t like the way I look, and knowing that you were the one who shot the footage made me really upset. I don’t like that, that is what you see,” he said mumbling into Andrew’s chest.  
“I will help you edit it tonight. I see you as happy, and funny, and soft. I think you are incredibly kind, and you are incredibly genuine. It is still hard for me to say the things I am about to say so bare with me, but I think you are incredibly attractive Garrett. I love how tall you are, and I love your shoulders, and your jaw and the color of your eyes, and I am going to love all of you,” he said kissing the top of his head.  
“Thank you Andrew,” and he placed his hand on Andrew’s ribcage and leaned up to press a tentative kiss to his lips and then returned to his original position.  
“Now go to sleep,” he said with a smile in his voice.  
“Will do,” he said already drifting off.

__

They woke up a tangle of limbs. Andrew had thought to set an alarm for 5 since Shane wanted them there by 5:30, and in the search for his phone he accidentally smacked Garrett in the face.  
“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry!” he said looking worried, but when he saw Garrett’s sleepy face shoot up and start looking around like a meerkat he started laughing. Soon Garrett’s long arm started reaching around for his glasses and that was a recipe for disaster so Andrew gently grabbed his wrist in one hand and grabbed his glasses with the other sliding them gently into place on his face.  
“Aww, thank’s Andrew,” he said with a dopey smile.  
“Is your face okay? I didn’t mean to slap you,” he said running a gentle and along his jaw.  
“Ooh, ya know what, I think it’s still in pain, I think the only thing that will help is if you kiss it better,” he chortled.  
“Oh my gosh Garrett,” But he leaned down pressing little kisses all over his face- on his cheeks, three to his forehead, one to each side of his jaw, one to the tip of his nose that made Garrett giggle, and then he kissed him on the lips and they just stayed like that for a bit because kissing was new and fun.  
Soon the alarm was going off again, Andrew having hit snooze instead of off, and they realized it was actually time to get going. 

__

That night Andrew helped Garrett review and edit the clip, and Garrett was finally able to move on with the rest of his video. It went much the same as the night before with Shane and Andrew going off in their own little corner to compile the rest of the footage together. By three in the morning everything was pretty much done and they were deciding on thumbnails and reviewing the last bits to see if there was anything they could add or take away, and by 5 they were officially out of there with the promise to come back at 10:30 in the morning to upload.  
When they got into Garrett’s house Andrew was so tired and did not feel like driving back to his apartment where he would likely be woken up. He really just wanted to get into bed with Garrett and fall asleep. It was made no better by the fact that Garrett’s mattress was much more comfortable than his was.  
“Garrett, I don’t want to go home,” he said leaning his forehead into the center of other man’s chest.  
“I know, but I honestly don’t think I could stay up any longer,” he said wrapping his arms around Andrew.  
“I don’t mean to hang out,” his face was suddenly turning bright red and he was happy he had moved to bury it in Garrett's shoulder. “I mean I want to sleep here tonight, with you, just sleeping, I mean we can cuddle and stuff too, I just mean not like sleep together but like sleep,” Man was he fucking this up.  
Garrett just started giggling.  
“Okay,” he said.  
“Okay?” Andrew questioned.  
“Yes, you can sleep here.” And that was how they ended up back in Garrett’s bed. Garrett had finally changed out of his jeans into some shorts. This time Garrett confidently guided Andrew’s body so it was tight against his, sure hands on his back and on his arm, and they both quickly fell asleep.


	3. Too Full Throttle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew want's to push things further with Garrett, and it has consequences when they go over to Shane's that night. 
> 
> Rating: T  
> Language/light sexual content
> 
> I do not cast aspirations on Garrett or Andrew.

They still haven’t told anyone. This was mostly a mutual decision. They were taking things very slow. It was unexpected for both of them, and Andrew secretly worried that if he told everyone he would feel pressured to continue if he ever got cold feet. He didn’t have cold feet, in fact, they were very warm under Garrett’s duvet as they watched Charlie’s Angels Full Throttled (another movie Andrew hadn’t seen in years), but he didn’t want to feel trapped. Garrett secretly worried that he was going to lose Andrew. Everything seemed good right now, it had been relatively easy and simple in their own little world of coffee dates and sleepovers that had left them with no more than laced fingers and a few languid kisses. He was a romantic, and also extremely patient, and he didn’t want to open up his little world quite yet. He felt like kids who were camping in their living room. Inside the safety of the tent they could pretend to be anything, but the second they stepped outside he worried that Andrew would see everything for what it was, just a living room.

 

Andrew was enjoying the movie, he really was, but he had other interests. You see, he was becoming more and more comfortable in his own ability to initiate things. The problem with their set up was how shy he was combined with everything having to be on his terms, but he was becoming more and more confident in himself. He was currently resting the back of his head on Garrett’s chest, but apart from that, no part of them was really touching. Garrett was lengthwise on the bed and Andrew had kicked his feet out at a diagonal in the opposite direction. It was a fine time to change that though.

While he was feeling bold in his decisions, it didn’t keep a red flush from spreading over his face and a warm feeling creeping over the tips of his ears. He looked up at Garrett, who quickly glanced down and flashed a smile and then returned his eyes back to the monitor. ‘ _Good_ ,’ he thought, ‘ _he’ll be distracted_.’ He began moving, slowly, rolling on his side and bringing his body both higher up on the bed and flush with Garrett’s. He then did what they had done what felt like a million times at this point and wrapped one arm around his chest and rested his head on the top of his shoulder making it seem as if he was simply finding a more comfortable position. Then he waited.

He honestly felt so silly planning an attack, but he honestly wanted to surprise him. He knew if he really wanted to surprise him he would just get on top of him and start kissing him senseless but he wasn’t brave enough for that. He would be eventually, but for now, this silly little-planned attack would have to do.

After he felt enough time had passed he began kissing at Garrett’s clothed shoulder, starting with the tiniest little pecks, and then worked his way up to his neck where he began leaving open-mouthed kisses. They had never done this before, but it was something he loved doing, kissing peoples necks, and without realizing Garrett leaned his head to the side to allow for more access.

“Uh, what, what are you doing?” he attempted to ask calmly, but his mind was anything but calm.

Andrew kissed up his jaw and to his ear to whisper “Kissing you.”

“Are you sure?” He asked turning his head now to look at Andrew.

“Yes, is that okay?” He was nervous now, what if Garrett didn’t want him right now? What if he wasn’t good at this?

“More than okay, just so long as you're okay,” he said smiling, cupping Andrew’s jaw and kissing him quickly on the lips before laying his head back down against the pillow.

Andrew’s hand that had been wrapped around Garrett’s body slowly made it’s way up and down Garret’s side. He returned to his attack on Garrett’s neck searching until he let out a small gasp and then he locked down on that spot and began to suck on the flesh gently needing it with his teeth before releasing to blow cool air over it only to repeat the process again. He could hear Garrett’s ragged breathing and he was filled with a sense of pride. This was good, and a little over a week ago he didn’t know if this would be good, but it was.

It was a different feeling, the scratchy texture of Garrett’s stubble. It was rough against his cheek. Andrew would never know, but Garrett had shaved his facial hair for him. Before Andrew’s confession, it had gotten pretty long and he needed to trim it, and that suddenly became a decision to shave the whole thing. He thought he currently looked like he had a baby face, but he didn’t want the feeling of facial hair to scare Andrew away, so he had shaved it off thinking it would be a little less of a shock. Garrett was willing to work for this. He wasn’t willing to change himself completely, and he knew that Andrew didn’t want that, but it was the first time in over a year he actually let himself invest his heart into something. If that meant shaving his face, he would do it, and right now it was paying off in a big way because his neck was completely exposed and Andrew’s mouth was on it and he couldn’t actually believe any of this was happening.

Andrew suddenly became very interested in discovering more ways he could elicit sounds from Garrett. Soon he was kissing up his jaw again to the corner of his mouth and then they were properly kissing. This wasn’t the sweet, innocent kissing they had been doing either. Soon Andrew could feel the slide of Garret’s tongue against his lips in a quiet request for permission and then they were licking into each other's mouths. He was honestly wondering if it would get bad. He was waiting for the moment when he would feel uncomfortable and this would all come tumbling down but it wasn’t happening. He gasped into Garrett’s mouth when he felt a hand tug on his hair and he honestly wasn’t sure when his hand had even made it to the back of his head.

“Are you okay, I’m sorry,” Garrett said worried, dropping his hand immediately. “I got carried away.”

“I’m fine, felt good. feels good,” Andrew said breathily bringing his right leg over Garrett’s body and quickly rejoining their lips. Andrew could feel how long Garret’s body was. He had long arms around him, one large hand on his shoulder, and another sliding up and down his back, and his leg that was extended alongside him came up short next to Garrett’s. He felt small and protected, and it was a feeling he didn’t know he wanted or needed. He had always been that person for all of the girls he was with, and now while he felt no less a man, he felt like he could let go in a way he never had been able to.

As if on cue he was suddenly being rolled onto his back and Garret’s elbows bracketed his head and slowly he was lowering his weight on top of him. He kept his eyes trained on Andrew’s face the entire time until he was fully settled, and then he was running a hand through his hair. And yeah, this was different. Everything slowed down and he felt his eyes slip closed. Garrett kissed his cheeks, and his forehead, and his nose as he ran fingers through his hair. He then kissed along his jaw and kissed and sucked gently on Andrew’s neck only to make his way all too soon back to his lips.

They weren’t passionately making out anymore. Andrew was honestly trying to figure out where he wanted to go with all of this. They could keep going. They hadn’t stopped by any means. He could definitely sense Garret’s interest pressing down into his thigh (that was a new and thrilling sensation), and he was sure he wasn’t keeping any secrets from Garrett in their current position. He wasn’t sure if he was ready yet though. He felt so silly. Since the night he told Garrett about his feelings he had been reading about men who had felt the same, or who had been bi-curious, and most of the stories included them getting drunk and hooking up with a friend, or meeting up with someone random off an app. He felt like his situation was completely different from theirs. He could never imagine hooking up with some random guy. He wasn’t immediately attracted to guys. In fact, he was only attracted to one guy, and his name was Garrett Watts. He wasn’t sure if it was because they were close friends first, or because he was just a really great guy, or really what it was at all, it just sort of happened. He wanted to move forward with Garrett, but he wanted it all to mean something. He didn’t want to go and get drunk just so they could have sex. He didn’t want to rush into anything, and yeah maybe he was moving slow, but he didn’t want to screw this all up. So that was why he decided to slowly taper off the kiss and eventually wrap his arms around him, and Garrett buried his face in Andrew’s neck, and it was nice to be close in this new way.

 

 

They got the call sometime around 7. They had been out eating dinner and Shane said that he had thought of an idea for a new series and was wondering if they would be free to come over and talk about it. By eight they were pulling up Shane’s long driveway to meet him.

They had unconsciously released the hands they had been holding somewhere in the neighborhood. Garrett was feeling amazing. It was the first night in a while he wasn’t stressing about everything. He wasn’t worried about whether or not Andrew actually liked him. He wasn’t thinking about the way he looked. He wasn’t stressed about editing, and he felt well rested. Dinner had been nice and quiet and they had been laughing. Their ankles touched under the booth as they ate. He was honestly kind of sad they had to make their way up to Shane’s. He was feeling giddy and a little clingy, and he wanted more time. They needed to continue working though, and Garrett would just have to wait. He gave Andrew’s knee a final squeeze and they got out of the car.

 

When they got inside Shane, Ryland, and Morgan were all at the kitchen table huddled around Shane’s phone.

“He is cute Morgan,” Ryland said.

“Ryland he looks like he is 35!” She said offended.

“He is too old,” Shane agreed.

“What are you guys looking at?” Andrew asked. Garrett took off his jacket setting it on one of the chair backs before leaning forward onto it.

“It is an idea for a new video, I was thinking we could go through the process of Morgan and Garrett looking for a date.They could find someone through a dating website and then meet up with them. I know we already tried that for you Garrett, but I feel like we didn’t take it seriously. I want to see what the difference in conversation is between straight couples and gay couples. It could be funny, but also relevant,” he said finally looking up at Garrett on the last sentence. Garrett didn’t know what to say. He just sat there staring dumbly back at Shane for a minute before asking “And you want to do this Morgan?” Hoping her answer would be no.

“I mean I don’t see why not. I think it could be funny. People would stop thinking we were dating,” she laughed.

Andrew hated this. He hated the idea of Garrett looking for another person to date, even if it was just for a video. It was a weird sense of possessiveness that he never thought he would feel, but he was definitely feeling it right now.

“Looks like we don’t have to find anyone for him,” Ryland said teasing.

“What?” Garrett and Andrew said at the same time, and that was the first time they looked at each other since Garrett had removed his jacket. Andrew blanched, he could very clearly see what was once hidden by the collar of Garrett’s jacket but was now very clearly visible, a hickey.

“What have you been getting up to Garret?” Ryland joked, pointing to Garrett’s neck. He quickly walked to the mirrored picture in the kitchen to look at what Ryland was pointing at, and he saw it. How was he going to explain that it was from Andrew, it was Andrew that he was getting up to recently.

“Nothing, I’m a nun,” Garrett quipped, trying to play along but turning a violent shade of pink. Nothing could match that of Andrew who was violet and now looking down at his phone to try to hide his face.

“Garrett!” Shane chirped.

“Shane!” He chirped back.

“Who is this mystery man Garrett? Did you hook up with someone from Grindr again? You said you were never going to do that again!” Shane said walking out from behind the table.

“Shane No! stop it!” and while he wanted his tone to be threatening his voice only rose higher.

“Was it Starbucks guy? Did you finally say yes to him?” Ryland said more excited.

Andrew felt sick. He thought he knew a lot about Garrett. He thought he knew everything about Garrett. One thing he was sure of was he had no idea Garrett hooked up with random guys and he had no idea who Starbucks guy was. He felt silly for thinking he didn’t have competition. He wasn’t sure why Garrett never told him about any of these people but he was sure he couldn’t handle hearing about anymore.

“No it was not Starbucks guy!” Garrett said in a tone more annoyed now.

“Was it that guy-“ Shane began to ask but was cut off.

“It was me okay! It was me!” Andrew almost yelled, and suddenly all eyes were on him. There was a long pause where everyone was just in shock. He actually felt sick as he scanned everyone's eyes that were clearly on him before looking at Garrett’s worried ones before he ran to the bathroom and shut and locked the door. He felt bad. This wasn’t just his secret to tell, it was between him and Garrett. If he hadn’t been so stupid and gone and sucked on his neck like a freaking vampire everything would have been fine but now it wasn’t. Apparently, Garret had a lot of guys waiting in the wings Andrew knew nothing about, and now he had just gone and royally fucked everything up for Garrett to go running off with any of them. He felt stupid and more than that he felt exposed. He walked up to the mirror and looked at his face which was still a dark shade of red and turned the sink on to splash some water on it. Eventually, he just held his face in his hands. Whatever confidence he had an hour ago was now one hundred percent gone. He had no idea what he was doing.

 

Garrett walked to the lounge and sunk himself deep into the couch. He held his face in his hands.

“Garrett what’s going on?” Shane asked much quieter this time. His voice could be heard somewhere to Garrett’s right.

“I can’t do your video,” he said into his hands and then looked up at Shane.

“You need to go talk to him, whatever it is, you can't leave him in that bathroom alone,” Shane said sitting down and putting a hand on Garrett’s shoulder.

“I know,” he groaned standing up. “Please just stay here for a minute,” he said softly and then walked to the bathroom door.

He hesitated there. He wasn’t sure what to do in this situation. Should he walk in? Should he knock? He wasn’t sure what he was going to say. He knew he was supposed to be more experienced, but he didn’t feel like it. This wasn’t how either of them wanted to tell their friends they were in a relationship, and who was to say they ever were. He knew for sure this was not the way anyone should come out. Andrew didn’t even know who or what he was yet, and it was breaking Garrett’s heart that everything was going the way it was.

 

Andrew was sitting on the tub edge when he heard a faint tap at the door followed by Garrett whispering his name. He didn’t want to answer. He wanted to hide in here for the foreseeable future, but he got up and walked over to the door anyway. His fingers hesitated on the lock before turning it over in his fingers and then he took a step back. His heart was racing. Soon Garrett was opening the door and they were finally looking at each other before he quietly closed the door behind him. Before Andrew even knew what was happening he was in Garrett’s arms. For a moment he was stunned, but soon he was grabbing at the back of Garrett’s shirt and burying his nose into the hollow of his throat and whispering over and over “I’m sorry.”He thought he had messed up. He thought he had done something wrong, and he thought he needed to apologize.

“Hey stop it, you have nothing to be sorry for,” Garrett said grabbing the sides of Andrew’s face.

“I should have asked you first before I said anything, but I just didn’t want to hear any more. I didn’t like hearing about other guys, and it just came out,” he said quickly. His eyes were fluttering closed as he felt a soft kiss be placed to his forehead.

“I’m not mad. I am so happy to be with you Andrew it is insane. If you want to shout it from the Hollywood sign we can, but I just want to make sure you're okay. I want you to have time to figure this out, and I don’t want you to be pressured into anything. I just feel bad because I wish this all could have gone so smoothly, and here we are in Shane’s bathroom,” he smoothed a hand through Andrew’s hair. “We can go out there an tell them everything, or we can go out there and tell them it is none of their business, but I want you to know that I don’t care about Starbucks guy. If I am being one hundred percent honest with you also, I haven’t kissed someone like I kissed you today in months, and it hasn’t meant something in years,” and then he kissed Andrew’s forehead again.

Andrew felt silly, but this time it was because of how he overreacted. In his own insecurity, he forgot who Garrett was, a giant sweetie, who cared about him. He was first and foremost his best friend. He reached his arms up to wrap around his neck and kissed him, and then stood up on his toes to press his nose into the side of his face and Garret’s arms squeezed him around the middle lifting some of his weight up. 

When they finally let go of each other Andrew had made his decision.

“I think we should tell them. I’m not ready to tell anyone else, but it would be easier if they knew, and then we could go from there. I am going to need your help though because I don’t really know what to say,” he said looking up at Garrett worried.

“Of course I’ll help you,” He smiled.

 

That was how they ended up back on Shane’s couch now accompanied by Shane, Ryland, and Morgan. Andrew was bouncing his knee up and down and he finally just decided to grab Garrett’s hand and lean just the smallest amount into Garrett’s side for support. If Garrett was honest he was pretty nervous too. He wasn’t sure what kind of questions they would ask. He had always been pretty open with Shane about his dating life, and even his sex life, and he didn’t want any more of that coming up in this conversation. He didn’t think it would, but he was sure to shock them by how innocent their relationship had been so far.

He looked up to see three pairs of expecting eyes and he leaned into Andrews' ear to whisper “Do you want me to talk first?”

“Yes please,” he whispered back and he was able to sink down a little more comfortably.

“Well, this is new,” he giggled, and no one giggled back. Okay, Serious then. “So, about two weeks ago I and Andrew were watching a movie and we were just hanging out. We do that a lot, nothing too crazy,” he cleared his throat. “Anyway, we were watching a movie and Andrew brought up some of his feelings which I will let him explain,” he looked expectantly at Andrew.

“This is all really hard to talk about. It was hard to talk about with Garrett, and that was one person, and now even though I know it is you guys, it is three people,” He took a deep breath.

“We are here for you. Whatever it is, or however you are feeling, we are here for you. I don’t want you to be scared,” Shane said, and that helped.

“Well I don’t know what you would call me. I’m not gay, and I don’t even know if I am bisexual. I just was sitting there with Garrett and I realized that normally with my friends I reach a certain level of closeness and I stop. It is as close as we can be. Physical intimacy with people, well with my friends who are guys, only goes so far. I realized however that I just wanted to hold Garrett’s hand, and that was different. I had never had that before and it was freaking me out and I wanted to talk to someone about it and normally that person would be Garrett, so I did. It hasn’t really stopped. I like Garrett, and really only Garrett. I still like girls, and all of that is really easy, but as far as guys I do not look at them on the street and think about how attractive they are. I could never in a million years hook up with a random guy, I would probably have a panic attack. So, for now, I guess we just are,” he said exhausted. It felt like a lot of talking.

“We are just trying things out. I think for now that is as much into the details as we need to go, but we are a thing. It is not going to be public, or something we show in videos, and it won't get in the way of work, but I don’t want to date anyone because I got this guy,” he said leaning into Andrew.

“Well that’s cute,” Morgan said throwing her arms in the air, and everyone let out a breath.

“You’re sure you want to put up with the Harry Potter Andrew?” Shane joked.

“Our talk happened during Kill Bill Volume II,” Andrew laughed.

“Oh my gosh,” Ryland said exaggeratedly.

“Pretty much anything that happens is during some iconic Garrett movie. We should probably stay away from Harry Potter, to be honest,” Andrew added, and Garrett playfully smacked him on the shoulder and yelled “Andrew!”

 

___

 

 

Eventually they were back in Garrett’s bed, this time listening to music play softly from Garrett’s phone. The rest of the night had gone well. They had decided to help Shane think of a new video idea and worked out the schedule for that. It was different for Andrew having Garrett’s arm around him as they planned and not having to worry about what anyone was going to think. It was crazy to think how far things had already come and how much his tiny act of bravery had paid off.

“Are you sure you're okay?” Garret asked turning on his side to face Andrew.

“Yes. I am sorry I overreacted. I am still a little embarrassed about that, to be honest,” he said rolling his face into the pillow.

“You don’t have to be sorry. I am flattered by your jealousy, but there is no one to be jealous of. I am down to hang out with you for a while,” he said smiling.

“Just a while?” Andrew said in mock offense.

“Yeah you might get boring,” he said giggling and then grabbed Andrew and pulled him on top of him. 

“Oh hello,” and he kissed Garret’s nose.

“I am interested in what trouble you thought we would get up to by watching the Harry Potter movies,” he said raising his eyebrows. He was a little nervous. He never wanted to push too far, but he was quickly relieved.

“Wouldn’t you like to know. We will just have to see, won’t we? There is what, eight movies? We will have to save those for a future day. Also, it is good I am the one filming because you are going to have that hickey for a while. Sorry about that,” he said sheepishly.

“I really minded, it was the worst thing in the world. Probably shouldn’t do it-“ and his sarcastic rant was cut off by Andrew sucking down on the same spot. “Yeah, I am happy you're filming. I love your filming.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am more nervous about this chapter than any of the other ones just because it 1. Has more explicit content, and 2. Has more character usage. I know that how I see Garrett, Andrew, Shane, Ryland, and Morgan, is not always how everyone else sees them. I have plans for more conversation to happen between Shane and Andrew. I think that Shane would be very helpful and I don't want any of them to come across as mean.  
> Also this took me 3 days to write for some reason.  
> I have more ideas and some of those include smut. How would y'all feel? I am going to put the rating and why it is rated that in each chapter description from here on out as some chapters will be rated different things. Please let me know what you think and if there is anything specific you would want to see. Prompts are welcome. Your comments are what make me want to continue writing.


	4. Little Drabble From Behind a Lense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I promised a chapter then felt unwell so here is a cute little fluffy drabblton about how Andrew feels about Garrett when he is filming. 
> 
> Rating: G for Get the freak out that’s so cute. 
> 
> I cast no aspirations on Garrett or Andrew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a proper chapter almost written all the way and it’s not cannon either so we will have this weird guy, then another angsty oneshot, then we will get back to our budding romance. I’m just having fun and living my best life. 
> 
> Also check out Garret’s last photo from his May 18, 2017 Instagram post. (Just gonna set that there and walk away)

I think I fell for Garrett through a camera lens, I'm not sure though. I’m constantly trying to capture the best moments, but who gets to decide those - well it’s me. I know that he looks best from his right side with natural light hitting his left while in a moving vehicle. I learned from overnight trips that he was giggly and sometimes a little whiny in the mornings which made for a lot of cute shots if filmed from a high angle. And he was soft, so the lighting should be too. I learned when to pan away, zoom in, pan back, and when to keep rolling even when something funny wasn’t happening because in a few seconds something likely would.  
What I learned most though was in my silent observation. You don’t speak as a cameraman, and even though I sometimes do it is still an incredibly rare occurrence. I saw his kindness. In moments I wanted to give words of encouragement I never had to, because he always did. I saw a well of humor, silly faces or quick quips that were never able to make it into the video. I saw how helpful he was to set up shots, and plan ideas, and work to bring things together. He often opened my door and closed it for me which almost never made it to film. I saw his sadness, stress, frustration, and exhaustion.  
The last things I observed I often didn’t let myself look at. I saw beautiful blue-grey eyes. I saw a strong jaw that met broad shoulders. I saw a smile that would make one creep onto my own face through it’s own infection. I saw large hands that I wanted to hold connected to arms I wished were wrapped tightly around me - so yeah - it was behind a lens that I realized I had fallen for him. Every day I spend with Garrett is something I never thought I’d have, never thought I’d want, but a beautiful thing that fell into my life at exactly the time I needed it.  
Whenever I’m questioning things, or confused about my decision, I do what I’m doing right now and watch old footage I have filmed of Garrett, and re-see all those reasons I fell again.


	5. Scarlet Ribbons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett doesn't hear from Andrew all day and begins to wonder what is going on. Garrett learns that Andrew has a secret, and hopes he can help him. 
> 
> Rating: T for triggering themes. See notes at the bottom for trigger warning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you I would get this up before Shane's next upload! This chapter, what to say. It was hard to write. I planned it to be a little over 1,000 or so words and it ended up being just over 3,000, so yeah. This is not really like the other chapters in that it doesn't follow the track of things as well. This could be 2 weeks into their 'thing' or 7. It is a true oneshot. It means a lot to me though as I have been dealing with my own mental health issues. The song in this pic can be found here.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dN_Cd8_WIuY&frags=pl%2Cwn  
> Someone I loved sang it for me, and so it is special in a very similar way.

Garrett hadn’t heard from Andrew all morning. It wasn’t like him. They had developed a bit of a system. Andrew always woke up before him and he would have a good morning text waiting for him when he checked his phone, even though sometimes that text rang in at 2 or 3 in the afternoon. They would then get ready and would often go get some coffee or another caffeinated beverage and decide what the plan was that day. Some days they had other projects they were working on and they couldn’t see each other, but they would text or call or send funny videos to each other.

It was currently 5 PM and all Garrett got was radio silence. He had texted Andrew at 10 in the morning when he woke up with no good morning text. He sent him a funny video from the grocery store in the tea aisle whispering “what’s the tea?” crouched down by a number of tea boxes. It wasn’t that funny, to be honest, it wasn't funny at all, but he was trying. He even called at four - Nothing. He was beginning to worry. Had something happened? Was he okay? Was he sick? Did he do something wrong? He hated that he was even so quick to think it, but maybe Andrew was having second thoughts. Maybe he was done with Garrett and didn’t know how to say it? Garrett knew ghosting, but he had never done it this abruptly before.

It was during this slow spiral into madness that Garrett received a text from Andrew’s roommate.

_Hey man, you might want_

_to come by. Andrew is in_

_one of his moods._

Garrett had no clue what that meant, but it gave him an excuse to come by Andrew’s place and he was going to take it. Andrew had recently moved back in with an old friend from college and while this roommate knew nothing of their relationship he did know them to be close friends. Garrett often picked him up from his place or quickly stopped in. He wasn’t sure how he got his phone number. Andrew must have given it to him, and that made him feel a little better.

_’’’_

When he woke up he felt it. It was a rare occurrence nowadays for him to get this way, but today was going to be one of those days where he just couldn’t do it.

In high school he was diagnosed with depression. It was his senior year, and after spending most of his night hours awake and any waking hours he could asleep, his parents finally took him to see a doctor.He didn’t like to tell people. It was something, even then that he tried for a long time to handle on his own. From that time on it would come back in intervals throughout his life during big changes, or while he was under stress. Sometimes it would just be a night. He would get trapped in his head and his thoughts would consume whatever sense of happiness he may have had earlier that day. Sometimes it would be weeks, like a particularly rough time he had in college when his ex-girlfriend broke up with him. He ended up losing a considerable amount of weight and failing two of his classes, and he had to see a school counselor and go back on medication he hadn’t been on in three years.

Then there were these days, the days he woke up and it was all-consuming. He wasn’t sure what was upsetting him. Maybe it was the pressure of balancing work, and a relationship, and a social life. Maybe it was the pressure he put on himself to be optimistic more often than not. Maybe it was born out of the realization that who he had always believed he was, was not who he was at all. He didn’t know, and his mind was too foggy to think about any of it. He did know however that he could feel this day creeping up on him for weeks.

He had woke up at 7. He felt both too cold and too warm, and he felt too big for his own body. He wanted to crawl in on himself. It always came with a sense of restlessness in his legs that he wanted to dispel but never could, so he just stared at the wall until his eyelids became heavy again, enough for him to drift into a kind of half sleep. He had stayed there for hours. He often felt like he wanted to cry, but this always left him with a sense of numbness that wouldn’t allow tears to fall. He wasn’t even sure what time it was, but tellingby the light flooding in through his bedroom window he must have woke up again around late afternoon. he only got out of bed to use the bathroom and that was when he was met by his roommate.

“Hey Andrew, you feeling okay?” he asked.

“Not a good day,” was what he managed to mutter out with a voice scratchy from underuse.

“Is there anything I can do?” he questioned earnestly.Andrew had been thinking of one thing all day- Garrett. He thought about how he wasn’t enough. He thought about how slow-moving everything was. He felt like a coward. He thought of what it would be like to tell his dad that he was dating a guy, a 6’4” man. He thought about how he was nothing but a weak human. He felt terrible, and he could feel his heart beating faster just at the mention of Garrett’s name. He hadn’t said anything to Garrett all day and he knew he must be worried. What was he going to say to him now? He knew he would never be able to do it, he needed someone else to. “Message Garrett please,” he said with wide eyes.

“Not a problem. I’ll get you some water okay,” and that made Andrew feel better. He had the thought to brush his teeth which made him feel less disgusting and then returned to his room to cocoon himself back up, hugging a pillow tight to his chest. The sadness was setting in. This was how it always worked. It was like going to the dentist to get a tooth fixed and the numbing slowly wearing off. He didn’t want to be alone anymore, but soon Garrett would know, and that was when hot tears that had threatened his eyes all day had begun softly falling down his nose and cheeks.

_’’’_

Garrett was nervous to knock on the door. He rushed over as fast as he could. _Was that bad?_ He honestly didn’t care. He finally knocked three times only to return his hands into his pockets. He felt a bit like a missionary. He was surprised how quickly Andrew’s roommate answered the door.

“Hey, thanks for coming. I never really know what to do when he gets like this.” He said looking at his feet a little out of breath. Had he ran to the door?

“Whats wrong with him?” He asked.

“Oh you, you don’t know?” his roommate asked surprised.

“No I have no idea.” He was starting to get a little frustrated. He wanted to know what was going on.

“He is depressed. Sometimes he just wakes up and it’s like he isn’t Andrew anymore. It was worse in college. I thought he was past it honestly, but I guess not, I haven’t seen him like this in a while,” he said sadly.

“Oh, okay,” he said rocking onto the balls of his feet. “Is it alright if I go see him?” It was Garrett’s turn to look at his shoes.

“Please, he wanted me to text you. Normally he doesn’t want to see anyone, he just holes up somewhere for a day or two and then he comes out and is his normal self again.” Garrett looked up at him surprised. He just nodded and walked to Andrew’s door that was closed and gently knocked as he let himself in.

What he saw almost broke his heart. Andrew looked so small. He had a grey duvet wrapped up so tight he could only see his messy ginger locks and one of his closed eyes. He made sure to close the door behind himself and lock it. The last thing they needed was his roommate walking in on them together.

He tentatively sat on the bed next to him. “Hi, Andrew. Is it okay that I am here?” He spoke so quietly it was almost a whisper. The only sound in the room was an occasional sniffling sound coming from under the duvet. He wanted to cuddle him. He wanted to call him pet names and kiss his forehead, but sometimes when he himself was depressed he didn’t want that. He also didn’t know what had upset him.

All he got in return was a tiny head nod. That was good. “Can I touch you?” Garrett was crossing his fingers on this one. The nod he got in return was a little greater this time and he counted it as a win. He started by running gentle fingers through what he could reach of Andrew’s hair. His face was hot, he could feel the heat radiating from his forehead. He ran a large hand up and down where he believed Andrew’s arm and shoulder were. He slowly pulled down the covers exposing more of Andrew’s face.

“You're really warm, can you drink some of this water for me?”Andrew shut his eyes at that. He didn’t want to get up. Getting up meant Garrett would see him. He would see his messy tear stained face which made him feel like an embarrassment. All of this was feeling too real, but he needed to do this. Garrett almost spoke up again to tell him it was okay, but soon Andrew was moving, willing out of his tight cocoon. He sat up and looked up at Garrett with sad eyes.

“There you are,” he said placing hands on either side of Andrew’s face using his thumbs to wipe any residual moisture away. He grabbed the glass of water and handed it to him and he took three large gulps of water before handing it back to Garrett.

“I’m sorry.” He wanted to say more. He wanted to say I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. I’m sorry I am a mess. I am sorry I am not enough and too much at the same time. It didn’t come out though.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Garret said lifting Andrew’s chin with his fingertips. “I just wish I could have been here sooner. I wish you didn’t have to be alone with this all day.” He ran a hand through his hair and brushed his lips carefully across his forehead. “What can I do to make you feel better?”

“I don’t know,” he said voice trailing off. The truth was he did know, but he was too embarrassed to ask. He just wanted Garrett to hold him. He could never verbalize that though. He couldn’t even verbalize that to his ex-girlfriend who would sit next to him for hours while he laid in bed speechless. He was supposed to be the strong one, not her.

He felt tears start to burn again and he brought his hands up to dig the heels of his palms into his eyes. That didn’t last very long though before gentle fingers were gripping onto his wrists. They placed his hands at his sides and then one was brought to the zipper of his hoodie.

“You’re still really warm Andrew, so I am going to take this off and then we can lay down okay? If you don’t want to, or if you feel uncomfortable just tell me okay,” he said eyes locked on Andrew’s. He gave a nod, and Garret continued with the zipper.

Garrett was gentle with all of his touches and intentional. Soon Andrew’s hoodie was being placed on the floor and Garret was removing his own. Andrew currently was like a mini space heater. His bed was small, only a full. This would be interesting trying to fit his 6’4” body on along with Andrew’s 5’11” one. It took some maneuvering but soon after pulling the duvet from where it was tucked under Andrew, and guiding him closer to the wall, he laid flat on his back. He was then pulling a sat up Andrew by the shoulders on top of him so his head was resting comfortably against his chest. Andrew finally felt comfortable to do what he wanted and grasped onto Garrett tightly. He was currently koalad against him. Garret had an arm across his back and in his hair, and the other was along his thigh. He finally felt safe.

They were silent for a long time. Garret thought Andrew might have fallen asleep. He continued to lazily play with the hair at the nape of Andrew’s neck. He felt better finally being with him. He was sad to learn that Andrew had felt this way all day, but he couldn’t say he didn’t know what this felt like. He was also happy he seemed to at least be helping a little bit. He didn’t know why Andrew had never told him. Their relationship was new, but their friendship was not. They had known each other for a long time now, and Andrew knew that Garrett struggled with his own set of mental health issues.

Andrew hadn’t actually fallen asleep but he did finally feel calm. The restlessness in his body that had been persistent all day had finally relaxed. He loved the smell of Garrett’s shirt, and the feeling of his fingers in his hair, and while he still felt sad, he no longer felt alone.

Garrett must have eventually fallen asleep himself, as he woke up to Andrew gently tapping his chest. After letting out a big yawn he said: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” It took him a moment to notice that his chest felt wet. Andrew must have been crying, and that made Garrett feel like the worst person in the world. “Hey are you okay?” he asked lifting Andrews chin up to meet his. He didn’t answer right away, but instead simply placed a barely there kiss on Garrett’s lips and then moved to burry his face into his neck.

“I am just happy to have you, but Garrett you’re tired, and I know this bed can’t be comfy for you, and I don’t want to make you stay. It’s almost midnight,” He said voice thick.

“Andrew, there is no place I would rather be right now. If you want me to go though, I understand,” he said wrapping his arms tightly around his middle because that was the exact opposite of what he wanted to do.

“No, I don’t want you to go,” he whispered.

“Do you want to talk about it? How you’re feeling?” Garrett questioned.

Andrew leaned up from his hiding place in Garrett’s neck to look at him in the face. “Not right now, but I will. Could, could you maybe sing me that song you were singing the other day while you were editing?” The week previous Garrett had been singing to himself the song _Scarlett Ribbons_. It was a song that his grandmother sang to him and it came to his mind after he had spent some time eyeing Andrew looking at his sweatshirt which had an elf which had found his red ribbon. He honestly didn’t know Andrew was paying attention, but when he had finished singing he heard Andrew start clapping from behind his laptop with a big smile on his face. If this could get even a tiny part of that smile back, he was willing to do it.

“Of course,” He carefully rolled Andrew off of him to his dismay. “Don’t worry, I am just making us a little more comfortable,” he said giving him a smile and kissing him gently on the cheek. He sat up and leaned one of the pillows against the headboard. He carefully removed his shirt that was still damp on his chest. This was a newer development in their relationship. Andrew didn’t like sleeping in shirts very often so his was the first to go, but it took some coaxing with kisses and compliments from Andrew for Garrett to start sleeping without his. Soon Andrew was sitting up and leaning his head into Garrett’s shoulder and Garret worked at the hem of Andrew’s shirt lifting it up and helping it off Andrew.

Even with his sad expression and messy hair, Andrew looked beautiful. Garrett was just so damn happy to have him. He made sure to say as much when their foreheads met.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered.

“You don’t have to say that,” Andrew whispered back.

“I don’t, but I want too, and now I am going to use my silly voice to sing to you,” he said quickly kissing him, and then maneuvering their bodies so they could lay back down. Now they were facing each other, legs and hands tangled together.

_I peeped in to say goodnight,_

_And then I heard my child at prayer:_

_"And for me, some scarlet ribbons,_

_Scarlet ribbons for my hair."_

Andrew had never felt so cared for in his life. Maybe it was the fogginess in his brain.

_All the stores were closed and shuttered;_

_All the streets were dark and bare._

_In our town, no scarlet ribbons,_

_Not one ribbon for her hair._

Maybe it was all confusion and he was simply losing his mind.

_Through the night my heart was aching._

_Just before the dawn was breaking,_

_I peeped in and on her bed_

_In gay profusion lying there:_

Maybe this was going to be a more difficult path for him to take, and he was going to have to explain things to people he didn’t quite understand himself.

_Lovely ribbons_

_Scarlet ribbons,_

_Scarlet ribbons for her hair._

Maybe he was always destined for a road paved with a little bit of difficulty, including his struggles with depression.

_If I live to be a hundred,_

_I will never know from where_

_Came those lovely scarlet ribbons,_

_Scarlet ribbons for her hair!_

None of that mattered tonight though, because what mattered tonight was how much he cared for the person looking right back at him. The person singing a beautiful little song for him. The person he was sure he was beginning to fall in love with. Garrett was making all of this worth it, every single thing, and right now all he wanted to do was fall asleep next to this lovely man who made him feel safe, and loved, and happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Talks of depression.
> 
> We will be back to our regular program next chapter I promise. And we will have some jokes and fun, and maybe some sexy times? 
> 
> Love all of you, and thank you for your support and comments. They keep me writing. I likely would have stopped by now, but the train keeps going because of you, so thank you from the bottom of my heart. If you struggle with mental health, know you are loved, and you are not alone. <3


	6. A Prisoner in My Own Personal Azkaban

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew wants to move things further with Garrett, but after a failed attempt he goes to Shane for advice on how he could get over his fears. 
> 
>  
> 
> Rating: M  
> For Swearing, and smuty smuty smut smut. 
> 
> There is A LOT of consent in this chapter, but there is a scene of someone beginning to do things because they feel it is what the other person wants, not because they want to. Reader discretion is advised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have not seen this video  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sJGBl5UO-M&frags=pl%2Cwn  
> The beginning of this chapter will not be as funny, I think personally.  
> Go to 5:28 in the video to see who I am talking about.  
> Happy reading.

Andrew knew it was bad of him. He knew it was mean, unfair even, but it was just too good an opportunity. Garrett was asleep, and he could get away with it so easily. She just kept staring at him, calling his name. He had been thinking about it for a few weeks now. Her brown hair would be so easy to weave his fingers through, and grasp it he did.

Glorna. Garrett had affectionately given her the name, how he had any affection for this doll head, Andrew would never be able to understand, but it sat on a shelf above Garrett’s bed and she stared at him with black soulless eyes every night. He hated Glorna. Of all the odd objects Garrett had collected over the years she was the weirdest and it was time to scare the shit out of Garrett the way Glorna always scared him.

He easily snuck out of bed grabbing Glorna by her disgusting mane. He placed her on the table as he threw on a black hoodie slipping the sleeve over his hand. He then picked up the doll head again like a sacrifice and knelt down on Garrett’s side of the bed. He used Glorna to bump Garrett gently on the nose, and after the fourth boop Garrett finally began to stir.ThisWasIt.His eyes began to slowly slip open.

“Awww,good morning Glorna!” He said through a yawn. Andrew quickly popped up from his hiding place. “Good morning to-“ Garrett began to say but was cut off.

“What the hell? You weren’t scared? Not even like a OooOoo,” He said frustrated.

“Andrew it’s just Glorna, she isn’t scary,” he said so nonchalant and with a sleepy little giggle thatmade Andrew want to smoother him.

“Garrett she stares at me in the night with her lifeless eyes!” He said dropping the doll head onto Garrett’s chest like a hot potato after realizing he was still holding it.

“Well she is gross, but she isn’t scary,” he picked her up, “I think you look beautiful when you sleep, and I love you Andrew, please love me too,” He said in a shrill voice.

“She’s creepy.” Andrew said finally.

“Talk to me Andrew,” he said again in a shrill voice smiling.

“You’re creepy, and you need to move into the kitchen,” he said looking at Glorna and then looked at Garrett giving him a slow blink.

“It’s not you, it’s Andrew, looks like you’re moving to the kitchen. ‘*shrill voice* I’ll miss watching you sleep Andrew’ I know you will Glorna, it’s a sad day for the both of us,” Garrett continued to the doll head as if he was actually comforting someone.

“Oh my gosh,” Andrew said grabbing Glorna from Garrett and walking into the kitchen putting her on a shelf in there. Garrett just laid there giggling, getting a cheeky view of Andrew’s clothed bum as he walked away.

 

___

 

 

Andrew was currently with Shane. He had told Garrett that they needed to go back to Calabasas to show footage to another YouTuber they were currently working with, but that was a lie. He was currently sat on Shane’s couch. Ryland was out doing yoga and Morgan was currently in Colorado visiting family.

He was nervously playing with his shoelace, easily accessible due to his crossed leg. He had already got passed the how are you’s, and whats new’s, considering they had seen each other 2 days ago.

“You are starting to make me nervous, whats up?” Shane asked.

 

Andrew had texted him and asked to meet with him privately. The truth is he didn’t know how to start this conversation. He and Garrett had been together now for almost two months. It had been really great. One week previous Garrett took Andrew on his first proper date. It was weird to have someone open the restaurant door for him, and pay for his dinner. Of course, it wasn’t always like that. They often exchanged who would pay for lunch, or coffee, or would pay for themselves, and they had developed a comfortable system, but the air was much different on this particular night. Garrett had asked him politely and planned it all out, and they had both dressed nicely. They drank red wine and ate nice food which was very different from what they normally did, and it was one of the best dates he had ever been on. The problem came with how it ended.

They took an uber back to Garrett’s and he had been smoothing a hand up and down the bottom of Garrett’s thigh the whole way home. They were on the better side of tipsy and Andrew was feeling the liquid courage. By the time the door was closed Andrew was being pressed against it and they were kissing, all tongue and teeth going from 0 to 100 quickly. They had gotten much better at kissing, and it had quickly become one of his favorite things. It came with its fair share of problems though, as it became more and more difficult for the both of them to cool down when Andrew would realize he didn’t want to continue any farther and they needed to stop. On this night he didn't though, at least he thought.

Garrett was quickly all around him. By the time he felt hands in his hair they were moving to grip his hip, the other one on his jaw and then down his back and it was everything he needed, and not enough.

His back was still against the front door and Garrett was paying attention to his jaw when he demanded “Bed Garrett, bed.”

“Are you sure?” he asked into his neck making goosebumps rise across his skin.

“Yes, the door isn’t very comfortable,” Andrew replied grabbing the sides of his face and bringing Garrett’s eyes to meet his own, kissing him quickly.

Soon his back was on a soft mattress and not on against the wooden surface of the door. Garrett was asking permission to climb on top of him and he was beginning to feel how foggy his brain was from the alcohol and his own arousal which had now become evident. He needed Garrett’s mouth on his now, and he was grabbing him by the back of the neck and pulling him in. He wanted this. This was the moment. This was all really happening. Tonight was it. He was going to stop being so scared all the time. He was going to do this for Garrett. It felt good. It was heated, and a mark was being sucked into his neck that would likely be there tomorrow and that was something he wanted. He would know. He would remember. He would be able to see it there when he woke up. Other people would be able to see it too. Did he want other people to see it?

It took him time to register that somewhere in the process he had lost his shirt. When had that happened? He reached up to feel Garrett’s back, long, and strong, and still clothed. Why did he still have a shirt on? Suddenly he felt vulnerable. They had done this before. He could do this, he continued to tell himself. He could hear ragged breathing, and someone saying, 'Stop!' Was that him? When had he stopped responding? “Andrew?” Suddenly there was no one there. “Andrew?” Where did Garrett go? “Andrew?”

 

“Andrew?”

“hmmm?” he said looking back up at Shane.

“What’s up? you’re worrying me,” He repeated concerned.

“I need to talk to you about me and Garrett,” he said returning his eyes to his shoelace.

“Are you two having problems?” Andrew could feel eyes on him.

“No,” he said quickly looking up at Shane. “I mean it’s great. He is so great, and we spend all our time together. He is so kind and funny, and he is everything I never knew I needed. I really like him-“ and he was cut off by Shane saying, “But.”

“But, I freaked out the other night,” He said leaning fully into the couch that he had previously been sitting on the edge of.

“In what way?”

“Ugh, how do I say this? I am scared to be with him, like BE with him. I wanted to, I wanted to do something, and I just fully freaked out. How did you do it?” He asked grimacing.

“How did I have sex with a man? Well, I wanted to, that was the most important thing. Do you want to?” Shane asked like it was the most normal question in the world.

“This is so awkward,” he said looking up.

“Why? It doesn’t have to be. Listen, I don’t know what it is like to be you, but I do know what it is like to be scared to have sex with a woman only to accomplish that and realize you then have to go through the exact same fear with a dick,” he said settling into the couch as well.

“Yes okay, I do want to, or at least I want to try,” He took a collecting breath and began again. “The other night I thought it was going to happen, or at least something was going to happen, but then when it was going to I panicked and shut down. I feel bad for Garrett, he felt like he had assaulted me after because we had been drinking. Things still haven't gone back to normal because he is scared to touch me.”

“What scares you? I had things that scared me. Would it feel the same? Would I feel nothing at all? Would I hate it? Would I realize I was gay? Would it hurt? Would I hurt them? I had so many concerns and questions that I will tell you now porn can never answer, but I wanted to do it more than I worried about those things. I wanted the answer to that question. You aren’t me though. I knew from a young age that I liked men and women, even though it took me a while to fully realize that,” He said.

“I think I just got overwhelmed. It makes it real. I mean all of this is real. I have been dating a man for two months, I can’t just write that off. I have slept in the same bed, made out with, and held a man. I just don’t want to not like it, and I’m also scared that I will. I love what we have going. I don’t want this to end, and if I hate it then all of this will have to end. If I do like it I will eventually have to start telling people, and that scares the shit out of me. Oh man, it is just a lot,” Andrew confessed.

“look, if you aren’t ready then don’t do it. You don’t have to. You can wait. Wait for the right time,” he said sincerely.

“That’s what I am worried about. What if Garrett doesn’t want to wait anymore. I don’t want him to have to wait around for me,” Andrew said sadly.

“You have no idea do you,” Shane said surprised.

“What?”

“Do you realize how much Garrett likes you? Like really?” Andrew could feel his face heating up. “This situation is not new, at least for him. He has liked you for a long time, way before you realized you liked him. I have never seen him like this and we have been friends for a long time. If it takes you another month or another year, I don’t see him going away. You have to know that, he thinks the sun shines from you actual ass, Andrew.” Shane said smiling, and Andrew giggled at that.

“I think we both worry about the other person too much,” Andrew sighed.

“You need to just relax a little I think. That is hard advice to take, but figure out you guys first before you start worrying about everything else. It is scary doing all of this, but it should be fun too. It should all happen naturally, don’t force yourself to do anything, and talk to Garrett, tell him how you feel.” At that, they heard the front door opening and Ryland was walking in.

“Hey Andrew, how are you guys?” Ryland said leaning down to pet the dogs attacking his legs.

“Good,” Andrew said smiling.

“That’s good, gosh Uno chill,” he said walking to set his stuff down next to Shane on the couch and taking a seat next to him.

“You look good with your hat backward like that,” He said quickly kissing Ryland on the cheek. “You’re sweaty.”

“Well yeah the room is like 100 degrees, the goal is to sweat. It is hot yoga,” Ryland defended.

“I tried that once and almost died. I don’t know how you do that honestly. Going to the gym is enough for me,” Andrew said.

“See you should be proud of me,” he said pointing a hand towards Andrew.

“So proud,” Shane said properly kissing Ryland. For some reason that made Andrew feel batter. Seeing them together, and knowing that at one point Shane had struggled with similar things and here he was in a house he shared with his boyfriend, with two dogs, and with such a strong sense of normalcy, it made him feel like everything would be okay in the end.

“Well I am going to head out. I am sure Garrett would appreciate his weekly burrito right about now,” he said standing up and then blanched when Shane started laughing. “I don’t mean like that! I meant from - Oh my gosh, I’m leaving,” he said laughing.

 

___

 

 

It was later that night and they were sitting on Garrett’s bed. So much seemed to happen on his bed, yet nothing at all. Garrett really needed to buy a couch. Andrew had asked him here. He needed to talk to him about the other night. He was nervous to do so, but it had gone on too long already.

“So I wanted to talk to you,” he said. They were sat crosslegged knees touching. He felt so silly like they were sharing secrets or something. He grabbed one of Garrett's hands to trace shapes into it.

“What’s up,” Garrett said quietly. To be honest Garrett was nervous. He was nervous all week. He had felt terrible. he should have never come on to Andrew so strong that night. He had been drinking, at least he wanted to blame most of it on that, but really it had just been a really good night. It felt normal. It felt like this thing that he had with Andrew was real, it wasn’t a dream anymore. He felt like he didn’t have to be so careful, for one night, and he let his guard down too far.

It was terrible. The last thing he remembered was the staunch realization that Andrew was no longer kissing him back, in fact, he was going rigid, and before Garrett could move away Andrew was saying stop. He did. He was quick to move away from Andrew and give him space, but it took a minute before be could get Andrew’s attention back in focus. It was like he was in another world. Garrett spent the night profusely apologizing, and it killed him every time Andrew would say a quiet ‘I’m sorry,’ back. To be honest he barely slept that night. He just listened to Andrew’s quiet and even breathing. That memory hadn’t left him all week.

“I didn’t go to Calabasas with Shane today,” Andrew confessed.

“Oh, What did you do?” He wasn’t bothered at all. He was more just wanting to get to the main point of the conversation. To the point where Andrew was likely going to tell him, I can no longer do this.

“I went to Shane’s house to talk to him. I needed to ask him some questions about his experiences,” he said hoping he would get the point.

“What do you mean?” Damn.

“I hate talking about this. I can handle other people talking about it but when it comes to talking about it myself it is a challenge so bare with me. I want to be with you. It is frustrating for me to be making out with you and then feel the need to stop. I don’t want to stop, but I am scared,” He said looking at Garrett's eyes pleading, hoping this all made sense.

“I didn’t mean to scare you. I feel terrible Andrew. I should have never done that. I was too aggressive and ugh,” he put his face in his hands. Andrew grabbed his wrists bringing his hands back down again and placed his hands on the sides of Garrett’s face.

“Garrett I wanted you to. You asked me and I said yes.”

“But I-“

“No but’s Garrett. When I wanted things to stop and I said stop what did you do?”

“I stopped,” He whispered.

“What did you do before we got on your bed?” Andrew asked firmly.

“I asked if it was okay.”

“And what did you do before you kissed me again?”

“I asked if it was okay," he said all in a whisper.

“And I said yes because I meant it. I wanted to. You need to stop feeling guilty,” he said staring at him for a moment longer, and then he hugged him because it just felt like the right thing to do.

“What can I do to help you not be scared?” Garrett asked when they disconnected.

“Well I think the first thing is to tell you what scares me. I wasn’t ready because it wasn’t planned if that makes sense? I think I have put so much pressure on crossing this one bridge. What happens if I don’t like it? Does that mean this is all over? What happens if I do? I thought that meant I would immediately have to start telling people. Would people look at me differently? Then the more embarrassing things like what if I am bad at it? What do I want to do? What role do I play? What role do you want me to play?” At this point, Andrew had started talking really fast. Garrett didn’t mean to but he started to giggle just a little bit. “Why are you laughing?” Andrew asked hitting his chest.

“Okay well first off, we can wait as long as you want. If you don’t like it, we can figure that out when we get there. If you do like it, we definitely don't have to run off and tell the whole world right away. Coming out, and having sex, two different things that in this case should not be related,” He said seriously. “Second, sex is a lot more than just one person penetrating another person. We don’t have to get to that for a while, and when and if we do by then you will have an easier time deciding if you want to top or if you want to bottom. There is a lot of terminologies I am going to have to teach you,” he said giggling.

“Stop giggling,” he said laughing himself.

“Okay, okay,” he said collecting himself. “Look I just don’t want you to be scared. It is okay to be nervous, I am nervous too.”

“What do you have to be nervous about?” Andrew said kissing Garrett’s cheek.

“May I remind you that I have not always loved my body, and here I am the first one you will be seeing in that way. That makes me nervous. I want everything to be good for you, that makes me nervous too,” he said defensively.

“You won’t be bad, besides,” he said tugging on Garret's hair and pulling him in to whisper in his ear, “You’re the only dick I want to suck.”

“Andrew! You can’t just say stuff like that!” Garret whined.

 

___

 

 

Nothing happened for another two weeks. They had more filming to do, and Andrew had some other videos to edit for another creator. He had been working long hours, and most nights he spent in his own bed alone.

He knew he wanted to plan a date for Garrett to return the favor, but by the end of the two weeks he was exhausted and ended up back at Garrett’s place in Garrett’s bed with the same monitor set up.

“What are we watching tonight big guy?” he said with a yawn. He had just come from his own apartment after taking a quick shower and his hair was still a little wet.

“Well considering you look like you are about to fall over, and you have chosen all of the movies for the past 3 weeks, I get to choose tonight and if it’s alright with you, I will give you a little back massage,” Garrett smiled brightly.

“What’s the catch, there has to be a catch if I am getting a back massage,” he said.

“Catch? There is no catch! We are just going to watch the wonderful book to film adaptation called Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban,” He said clapping his hands together.

“Garrett no!” Andrew whined. He really didn’t care, he just put up a fight because he knew Garrett was looking for it.

“We are watching it and that’s final! *clap* And you are just going to lay here *clap* and get a message *clap* and fall asleep 30 minutes into the movie,” Garrett said with fake firmness.

“Okay,” he said clapping his hands back at Garrett. He honestly was so tired and had been carrying camera equipment, and lights, and did a particularly hard workout on his shoulders two days ago and he wasn’t going to argue if Garrett wanted to use strong hands to massage his shoulders right now.

While Garrett went to find the disk and put it in Andrew made quick work of removing his sweatshirt. He laid back down on his stomach at the end of the bed and closed his eyes. Not gonna lie, he was pretty excited. He had imagined this happening a time or two when Garrett would squeeze his shoulders from behind, to talk to someone in front of them, or when they were kissing the way he would run hands down his back. tonight was gonna be a good night.

He felt the bed dip next to him and the movie began to play.

“Can I sit on your bum?” Garrett asked tentatively.

“Yes, you won't crush me I promise.” Andrew said smiling but he never opened his eyes. He could feel movement again as Garrett got seated on top of him. It was rather easy with his long legs, and it was a nice feeling to have his weight on top of him. He brought his arms back to smooth over Garrett’s clothed shins, and then rested them back down.

“Thanks Gar,” He whispered. Garrett’s hands smoothed up his back and he placed a gentle kiss to the very top of it.

“No problem,” Garrett whispered back. It started like that, hands just smoothing up and down his back but after less than a minute the hands were gone and Andrew was hearing the clicking sound of a bottle being uncapped. Before he could process the sound hands were back on him this time easily sliding across his skin.

“What is that? It smells nice,” Andrew asked.

“It’s massage oil. I got it a little while ago. Gosh, Andrew, you have a knot on your shoulder,” and he did, but Garrett’s hands were doing a great job of smoothing that out.

“Umph- was this a planned -oh- attack?” He honestly didn’t care it felt so nice. He missed Garrett. It had been the most time they had spent apart in the better part of two months.

“Maybe,” Garrett said cheekily. “Now shush,” and yeah Andrew could do that.

He wasn’t sure how long it had gone on for but Andrew was sure he hadn’t felt this relaxed in a very long time. Every once and a while a hand would glide against his side and make his stomach clench which would make Garrett quietly giggle to himself, and when he began working on his neck he couldn’t really help but sigh every so often. He felt on the border of something like he could easily go to sleep, or he could easily go for more.

Right when he was having the thought Garrett grabbed his wrists and put them over his head easily reaching above him and over his body, fuck he was tall. Then he was massaging his arms slowly making his way down to his wrists and he was all around him now, strong and looming and the thought didn’t scare him, it did the exact opposite, it was turning him on.

The weight of Garrett’s body on top of him was pushing his dick into the mattress doing nothing more but tease him. Garrett had made his way up and was now on his way back down Andrew’s arms when he left a kiss at the nape of his neck and Andrew actually let out a small moan. Had Garrett not been in such close proximity he likely wouldn’t have heard it but heard it he did. Soon his hands were at his shoulders but Garrett’s body was still leaned forward over him.

“Is this okay?” He asked into Andrew’s ear.

“Yes,” He breathed.

“Tell me if it’s not okay,” and then his lips were back on his neck in small pecks going from the nape all the way to the base of his ear. His hands made their way back to smoothing over his sides and Garrett went looking for a good place on his neck until he finally began to suck a small mark into the skin. Andrew let out a shuttering breath, this was good, this was really good. It wasn’t like they hadn’t done this before, but he wanted more.

“Garrett, want, oh shit, want to kiss you.” Garrett continued just a little longer and then shifted his body up and off of Andrew. “Shirt?” He asked Garrett. He knew Garrett didn’t always want to remove it. He just nodded his head wiping any excess oil on it and began lifting it off when Andrew grabbed his wrists. “Let me,” and he gently pulled the hem up and over his head leaving a kiss on Garrett’s collarbone that he loved. He slowly removed his glasses and put them to the side.

“I wont be able to see you,” He said cupping Andrew’s jaw.

“Yeah but you can feel me.” Andrew leaned in kissing Garrett. It was slow and gentle. Nothing was being rushed. He gently pulled away and fell back against the pillows pulling Garrett on top of him.

They kissed for a long time, slow and languid, and the same way they did a number of times already, and Garrett was careful to keep his body shifted just slightly to the side to keep from exposing just how affected he was. They always did it this way making it easier to stop and cool down and they were coming to that point right now, but Andrew didn’t want it to end. He wanted more. He could feel his fingers trembling as Garrett continued to suck a mark into his shoulder, this one much darker since it could be hidden by clothing.

“Garrett, fuck, Garrett I want more.” and Garrett stopped. He ran a hand through Andrew’s hair, and Andrew felt like he could cry. He needed Garrett to do something, anything, and he needed it done right now.

“Are you sure?” Garrett asked trying to return his voice to normal.

“Please, I need you to do something,” Andrew said with closed eyes.

“Andrew, hey, I need you to look at me.,” he said smoothing over Andrew’s hair and his eyes flicked open. “There you are. Are you sure?” He said eyes questioning.

“Yes, I’m sure, just not everything,” and Garrett knew what he meant.

“What do you want? I got you okay.” He said kissing him.

“I can’t decide Garrett. I just need you to do something,” and fuck why was this so hard.

“Can I blow you?” And that went straight to Andrew’s dick.

“Fuck, yes please.” He said grabbing his face and kissing him.

“If you want me to stop tell me okay. If you say stop I’ll stop,” He said seriously.

“I trust you,” and he did. And then, it was happening. Garrett went back to kissing him for a minute but this time he put one leg in-between Andrew’s and Andrew could feel Garrett’s dick against his thigh, and that Garrett was hard, and that was new but also nice to know that he wasn’t the only one so affected by this.

All too soon Garrett was kissing his jaw, and then under his ear, and then his neck again, this time hot open mouthed kisses that were driving Andrew even crazier. It was so different knowing this was going somewhere, knowing he could let go. He kissed down the center of his chest and then slowly made it over to this nipple where he licked and sucked at it, and shit no one had ever really done that before. Sure he had girls kiss them but not like this and it caused him to let out an embarrassing moan and he immediately stilled and brought his hand to his mouth. Garrett stopped, looking up at Andrew concerned.

“I’m sorry, never had someone do that before, sorry I’m so embarrassing, I sound like a teenager.” Garrett just giggled at him.

“You don’t know how hot you are. I love all of your cute sounds, gonna make you make more of them, please don’t hold back,” and without warning, he was back, this time on the other side.

“Fuck Garrett, warn a guy,” he gasped. Garrett just smiled into his skin. Fingers were being dragged up and down his sides tickling them and he almost couldn't stand the stimulation, but soon he was kissing down his stomach and shit he was getting really close to his dick. Andrew could feel his heart racing and his hands shaking and he could almost feel his nerves taking over when Garrett blew a raspberry onto his stomach. Andrew just started giggling, partly because it tickled, but also because he was getting so nervous and it was nice to have the tension off for a minute. Garrett was laughing too, looking up at him from where he was laying in-between his legs.

“Still okay?” Garret asked, smoothing a hand up and down his stomach.

“Yeah, got intense there, but I’m good,” He smoothed a hand through Garrett’s hair just to mess it up a bit. “You look good down there, I’m always looking up, it’s nice to look down for once,” he said giggling.

Garrett put his forehead on Andrew’s stomach “Andrew!”

“What? It’s true!” Garret licked into the dip of his belly button as some payback. “Oh gosh!” Andrew said leaning his head back. He was quickly reminded why they were here.

“So there are some options. If we proceed that is,” he said looking up at Andrew to see him shake his head yes. “Okay, so can I remove these?” He said slipping his fingers into the waistband of his joggers.

“Yes.” Garrett had seen Andrew in just underwear before, multiple times actually, but he had never seen him painfully hard. He slowly lifted his hips and Garrett carefully pulled them off kissing his ankle as he did so. He made his way back up sucking a mark into Andrew’s left hipbone and then pecked his lips along the skin where the waistband of his boxers sat. Andrew let out a ragged breath as he felt Garrett’s chin slide across his dick, and his hips pushed up ever so slightly. Garrett made it all the way to the other side sucking a mark into that hipbone as well. How Garrett had the willpower to continue on like this Andrew didn’t know but he was thankful because he felt amazing, but he also couldn’t take much more teasing.

“Can I take these off?”

“Please, Fuck, please Garrett I can’t take it. I want you,” and that was all it really took.

Garrett mouthed at Andrew’s clothed erection before pulling his underwear off. He licked a stripe from the base to the tip looking up at Andrew to make sure he was fine but he was gone, his legs were twitching and his head was thrown back and he was so beautiful. Garrett was sure that he was longer than Andrew, but Andrew was thick and he took just the tip in his mouth bobbing up and down licking into the slit already able to taste precum. Garrett fucking loved this. He missed this. Andrew quickly found the longer locks on the top of Garrett’s head and threaded his fingers through them, not being forceful, just holding on, the other hand gripped tightly in the duvet. Garrett took him deeper using his hand at the base and sucking hard, just to quickly come back up and lick at the underside of his head again. A strong hand was on Andrew’s hip to keep him from thrusting up and he could feel Garrett moaning around him as he pulled harder at his hair.

“Fuck Garrett I’m not gonna last,” Andrew gasped, and he felt Garrett moan louder around his dick going deeper. This was by far the best blow job he had ever received. “Garrett gonna cum,” he said pulling up on his hair to warn him and Garrett’s head pulled up slightly but his mouth stayed wrapped around his cock. He just bobbed his head faster licking the underside of Andrews' head each time and soon Andrew was spilling into his mouth.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, Oh my gosh,” and Andrew continued to arch his back as Garrett swallowed the rest of him down.

Soon Garrett was moving to come back up to Andrew’s side.

“Are you okay?” Garrett asked a little worried.

“Am I okay? I’m great, holy shit. Are you okay? Did I hurt you? You didn’t have to swallow but oh my gosh that was the hottest thing I have ever seen,” and Andrew was bringing his hand up to Garret’s jaw.

“You definitely didn’t hurt me, I would do that again any day. Also, I will say one perk that I was too afraid to mention before now was I like to swallow so, if you ever want to do this again, get used to that,” he said raising his eyebrows. He reached around the table to find his glasses and put them on. “Can I kiss you, I know some people umph-“ and he was cut off my Andrew kissing him hard licking into his mouth and Garrett sighed into the kiss.

“Garrett you haven’t gotten off,” Andrew said as if it wasn’t something Garrett wasn’t already painfully aware of.

“Yeah I’m gonna need to go to the bathroom, I don’t mean to be crude, but this isn’t going away,” He said laying his forehead on Andrew’s shoulder.

“I want to help. I don’t think I can do what you did, but I want to help. I want to touch you, if that’s okay,” he said running a hand down Garrett’s spine.

“Are you sure, you don’t have to. This was already a lot for you, and this wasn't my intention for the night I promise.”

“I want to,” and he moved to sit up against the headboard. “Can you take your pants off and straddle me please?” He asked smiling at Garrett. It was his turn to feel vulnerable. He slowly stood up from the bed and removed his pants. He would have felt more nervous if it wasn’t for Andrew’s sweet smile. Andrew was then reaching for something when Garrett realized it was the massage oil. He had purchased it in the lube aisle and it doubled as both, mainly because he thought it would be less intimidating but he felt a little embarrassed being caught red-handed with Andrew reading over the bottle.

“This may come in handy,” Andrew said wiggling his fingers in the air. Garrett couldn’t help but laugh.

“Who are you and what have you done with Andrew?” He giggled.

“I’ve been hanging out with a guy named Garrett too much, now come here, I feel weird being the only one naked, and you’re still hard.” It was official, Garrett would never get used to this. He got back on the bed and put both hands on the headboard maneuvering his way so he was straddled over Andrew’s hips. “Hi,” Andrew whispered.

“Hi,” Garrett whispered back.

Andrew kissed him on the lips gently, slowly licking at the seam of Garrett’s lips which opened up to his quickly. He could still taste himself on Garrett which was hot, and he made his way to Garrett's jaw bitting down gently the way he liked it while he pulled gently at Garrett’s hair and Garrett bucked his hips forward.

“Ah! I’m sorry.”

“Andrew continued to kiss up his jaw to his ear and whispered “Do you like when I pull your hair,” which he followed by tugging a little harder on Garret's hair and he rolled his hip’s forward again.

“Fuck yes, ugh” Andrew pulled his head all the way back exposing his neck and licked from the hollow of his throat to his chin causing Garrett to start up a steady rhythm.

“You look so good like this Garrett, I like when you buck into me like that. I’m gonna make you feel good okay,” he said kissing his adam's apple and then releasing Garrett’s hair. He was still nervous, but somehow it was easier when all the attention was on Garrett, and he felt a lot of pride in the fact that he was making him feel good.

Slowly he brought a hand to palm at Garret who quickly thrust up to meet it. It was exhilarating. He dropped his head into Andrew’s neck.

Andrew began stroking Garrett’s clothed erection feeling the noticeable wetness at the tip. He let his other hand stroke Garrett’s back and chest using his thumb to gently rub at his nipple.

“Hey, can we take these off?” That’s when he heard Garret make a noise this side of growling low into his neck. Fuck.

Soon he was shifting quickly getting off of Andrew and about to rip off his underwear when he realized where he was, and what he was doing and who he was doing it with and he paused.

“How do you want me, do you want me to, or do you want to?” He was blinking hard looking at Andrew with worry.

“Gar lay down,” and he not so gracefully laid down on the bed. Andrew grabbed his cheek and said “None of this is bothering me, I’m having fun. I want you to relax. I’m okay." He scratched a hand down his chest. "I like your noises, no girl has ever growled in my ear, and if you keep doing that I’m going to get hard again. I’m going to take care of you.”Garrett honestly hadn’t realized how affected he would be by someone touching him. He hadn’t had sex in a while, and he hadn’t had good sex with someone he actually cared about in a long time. When he felt fingers on the elastic of his waistband he lifted his hips with closed eyes as Andrew pulled them all the way down and off. He could hear a bottle uncapping and then he felt Andrew settle on his legs and that was when he looked up. He was warming up the oil in his hand and began smoothing a hand up and down Garrett’s stomach. He decided very quickly that he loved Garrett’s dick. It was big, honestly a little intimidating, but it was a good color, and if he was going to be with anyone's dick, he would choose this one.

He didn’t want to tease Garett any longer. His tip was red and leaking and he started slowly tugging eliciting a sharp intake of breath before he picked up speed. He made sure to twist his hand, and thumb the head, loving the way it looked as more precum would dribble out.

“So beautiful Garret. What do you need? Want to make you cum,” he said bringing his body forward to swirl his tongue around one of his nipples making his chest jerk up.

“Tighter, just a - oh fuck- little bit tighter -oh!” Andrew immediately took direction pulling a little bit harder. He brought his free hand up to his scalp pulling on the hair and licked around his nipple and then Garrett was cumming all the way up to his chest, some of it landing on Andrew’s chin. He kept up his ministrations until Garrett was pushing his hand away grabbing him and kissing him.

“How was that?” Andrew asked after Garrett had caught his breath. 

“So good. Holy shit Andrew you’re going to kill me. How are you?” He asked kissing him all over his face.

“I’m happy. So so happy. Also sticky. I am going to need to take another shower, I have your cum all over me, and other phrases I thought I’d never say.”

“That can be arranged. We can drink wine in there and play some music. Have a wine shower!”

“Who said I was showering with you?” He asked mocking shock.

“I mean I can take a wine shower alone, but then you’ll have to be out here, and Glorna likes to travel at night,” he said giggling.

“Fuck you Garrett, actually fuck you,” Andrew said slapping his chest.

“Please do,” He said through his laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote smut! also I wrote this today because I felt so bad that it has been a week! Also it ended up being over 6,000 words, oops. I love writing this for you guys and you are all so kind to me and honestly the best. I will keep writing. If smut is not your thing, don't worry, not every chapter of this will be smut, if it is your thing, stick around because well, smut. I had a hard time with characterization in this chapter, so if they don't seem true to character, stick around because more pants are on their way. Also it was hard to work in them doing the do during Harry Potter, but you bet I did!
> 
> Also I hate the line "sex is more than one person penetrating another" just as much as you do don't worry.


	7. Vi er perfekt men verden er ikke det (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comments and a text from an ex threaten to dismantle Garrett and Andrew's relationship. Andrew is left wondering if he can handle this new life, and Garrett is left wondering if Andrew is ashamed of him. 
> 
> Rated: T Cussing  
> Trigger: Homophobic Language

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience!!!!!!!! You are all the best. Part 2 will be up by Friday.  
> For more updates follow me on Tumblr: Justshaley.tumblr.com
> 
> Title is Norwegian for We are perfect but the world is not.  
> It is a song by Cezinando. 
> 
> Also I took real comments from their instagram photos. Some I made up, but some were real and it was eye opening to say the least.

It was a Tuesday morning, and he woke up to a text. No warning, no beating around the bush, just a point-blank question.

Caity

_So what? Are you gay now?_

He blinked his eyes a few times, hoping maybe he had read it wrong. Maybe there was still some sleep in his eyes. Maybe he was still hungover from the alcohol he didn’t drink last night. He honestly wasn’t equipped to handle this kind of situation with the amount of sleep he had received. He was at home. Thankfully he was at home, and not with Garrett.

It had felt like a dream. All weekend he had been on a high from how good he felt about their relationship. He was feeling far less unsure, and much more confident in himself. He wasn’t scared to grab Garrett’s hand, or his waist, or his dick. He wasn’t scared to lie his back against the gently firm plane of Garrett’s chest. They had even convinced Shane and Ryland to go on a double date with them. This was mainly to help get Shane out of the house and lift his spirits some, but it was still a date, and while they showed absolutely no PDA at the restaurant it was still the thought that he was definitely dating Garrett and Garrett was definitely dating him that made the whole night thrilling. When they had got back to Garrett’s house that night he had barely made it through the door before Garrett was kissing him with hands everywhere, suddenly dropping to his knees and Andrew didn’t know if he had ever been so turned on his life. So to wake up literally two days later and see a text from Caity, a girl he had dated for maybe all of about five weeks in college was jarring.

He wasn’t sure what the proper response should be. She should mean nothing, a small blip in the matrix of his life. He wanted his first response to be ‘It is honestly none of your fucking business,’ but his mind was screaming say ‘No! Why would you think that?’ Why would she think that? It’s not like he and Garrett were out in the open for everyone to see. He was very careful to not do anything while they were in public. The biggest thing they did was lock their ankles together in the back booth of a Mexican restaurant, and there was nothing floating around social media about it the next day, (he had checked.) He immediately went to go check his Instagram. Had something happened? Maybe it was something someone posted? There was nothing there though, just the same pictures from his night with Shane and Ryland. He had filmed a story for Ryland of him dancing to _Piece of Me_ by Brittney Spears and then jumping into Shane’s arms. That was pretty gay, but then again so was Ryland. It was just for fun, it had nothing to do with him. Garrett had filmed a video of them all with some mariachi song playing in the background zooming in on all of their faces, and yeah maybe he had lingered on Andrew’s, but he was the last face, you always linger on the last face he reasoned to himself. He had posted a photo to his own on Instagram. It was a group selfie with all of them. What about that was inherently gay? Nothing. Garrett’s hand was on his shoulder, but people put hands on other people’s shoulders platonically all the time.

It was when he checked the comments that his heart sunk lower into his stomach.

‘I love you and Garrett!’

‘Just date already!’

‘love our favorite dads.’

‘we love boyfriends who take photos of each other’

‘Which one is the better Power Couple?’

‘We shister ship it!’

‘This is my gay aesthetic.’

‘Do you guys think they are dating for real?’

He didn’t want to click on the thread. It had 15 comments under it but he decided to against his better judgement.

‘I hope so!’

‘They would be so freaking cute oh my gosh!’

‘Guys Andrew’s straight, stop.’

‘How do you know? He hasn’t said anything.’

‘He literally did a video on Shane’s channel going

out with the girl of his dreams. Don’t you think

if he liked Garrett he would have never made

that video.’

‘You NEVER know. He looks gay’

‘He can’t be gay! he needs to date Morgan!’

‘But who would be top?’

Eventually he decided to quickly send a text back to Caity asking her why she would think that and set his phone on the table with a sigh. He didn’t like that people were talking about him like that, and who the hell just asks someone if they're gay?

When he got to Garrett’s later he still felt sick. Caity had only responded with

_That is answer enough._

Whatever the fuck that means. That was not answered enough for him, but what was he supposed to say? If he continued the conversation it only criminalized him more. When he walked in the door he could barely bring himself to hug Garrett, and when he went to kiss him Andrew just turned his face so he could kiss him on the cheek. He felt bad, but it was just too much. Everything felt wrong, and it had never felt wrong before.

“What’s going on?” Garrett asked as they went to sit on his bed and all Andrew could think was how Garret really needed to buy a damn couch.

“It’s nothing, I am just having a weird day.” He didn’t want to tell Garrett. What was he supposed to say?

“Andrew why will you barely even look at me,” and Andrew didn’t even know he wasn’t. He thought he might actually chew through his lip he was biting it so hard.

“People are starting to figure it out Garrett,” he said with a little more quiet frustration than he should have. This wasn’t Garrett’s fault, but it kind of also was. If he hadn’t fallen for Garrett. If he didn’t like Garrett, none of this would be happening.

“Finding out what Andrew?” He was staying remarkably cool tempered, but he didn’t particularly like the way he was being spoken to.

“Finding out about us Garrett, finding out about me!” As Garrett reached for his hand he stood, starting to pace the small space in front of him. His hand would have burned, he couldn't let Garrett touch his hand.

“What do you mean?” Garrett continued to sit on the bed watching Andrew pace back and forth.

“They think we are dating. The people in the comments, I read them, and Caity. Caity text me this morning and asked me if I was gay now, just out of the fucking blue like I owe her that! They said I look gay! I’m not gay Garrett!” He knew it was wrong to take this all out on him but he couldn’t help it. He was frustrated. Frustrated he couldn’t change any of this.

“Andrew, we are dating.” He said quietly.

“I don’t want them to know though! how do they even know? They were arguing about if I should be dating you or Morgan, and then Caity said that me asking her why she thought I was gay was answer enough for her. What does that even mean? Since when do they get to decide all of this?” Garrett just continued to watch his pacing. He was feeling hurt at Andrew's words, but he was too busy pacing to look at Garrett. “I’m not gay,” and he seemed to be saying it more to himself now than to Garrett.

“Are you ashamed of me Andrew?” And that got Andrew to finally stop his ranting and look At Garret.

“What?” His voice tendering on frustration and utter confusion.

“You heard me. Are you ashamed to be with me?” Andrew’s shoulders fell along with his face. He let out a breath and stared at the ground. He wanted to say no. It was the right answer. It was the answer Garrett needed, but it wasn’t the truth.

“Andrew you should go.” It was quiet, just above a whisper, but it was enough to just about kill Andrew inside.

“Gar please don’t, I’m sorry. I'm just-” He felt like he could cry.

“I know this is new for you, but I spent most of my life being ashamed of who I am Andrew. I have been bullied, mocked, called a faggot, been pushed around, and treated like a second-class citizen. I am not going to go back to being ashamed of who I am. I have done nothing but meet you where you are. You need to go home and figure out if this is what you want or not because I am gay.” It took all of his conviction. Garrett didn’t want Andrew to leave. If Andrew left, he wasn’t sure he would ever get Andrew back, but he knew it was what he needed to do.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin, I’m, I’m sorry.” And like that Andrew was gone.

He made it halfway home before he felt tears hit his chest and all the streetlights blurred together. He was five minutes away when he ultimately pulled over and let his emotions overtake him. He was an idiot, a big fucking idiot, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t any less scared than he was before. It didn’t mean he didn’t still feel it. Garrett was right. He was ashamed, but not of Garrett. Garrett was beautiful. Garrett was funny, and had a lovely smile, and said the wisest things. Garrett was nice to everyone, and stuck up for his friends, and was never anything but himself. Andrew was just happy to have got a taste of that, a taste of what it was like to not care about who or what you were. That was all gone now though because he was sat on the side of a road in his car crying by himself, and he was too scared to be exactly that, himself.

___

Garrett woke up alone. He was alone, again, and he tried to reconcile that loneliness was something he was used to. Loneliness was something he could do. Before Andrew, Garrett had been alone for almost two years. He made his own meals, his own bed, paid his own rent, watched his own movies, made his own videos, he functioned alone. It was the crushing realization that hit him though that, that was all it was, functioning. He was a properly functioning adult. He had friends and loved ones, and even people to fuck, but that didn’t take away his title, it didn’t make him any less alone. So here he was in his tiny house on the other side of this huge metaphorical field, and he had kicked out the only person to visit. He told him that it wasn’t a field anymore, it was a fence.

He didn’t want to check his phone, and he didn’t want to leave his bed. He had a meeting with Shane that day for something new that was going to require them to go to San Francisco in two weeks, and Garrett really needed to finalize all the details regarding the flights and the hotel and everything, but he couldn’t. He knew Shane would ask what was wrong the second he saw him, and he just couldn’t do it today. Today he wasn't a functioning human being. So he didn’t. He laid in bed and willed himself into a restless sleep, and did a terrible job of not thinking of Andrew.

___

“Ryland I’ve called him three times what the fuck?” Shane was sat on the couch with both of his elbows on his knees, phone firmly in his hand.

“Maybe he is with Andrew? Maybe he forgot?” Ryland’s voice was soothing at the best of times.

“That’s the crazy thing. I texted Andrew and he hasn’t responded. I would call, but I honestly don’t want to bug him on his day off. I feel like I take up a lot of his time already.” Shane set his phone on the table and leaned back into the couch.

“Maybe something happened.”

“Like he got hurt? Ryland, I didn’t think, shit.” His face was screwed up in worry and didn’t know what to do.

“No, Shane, I mean what if something happened between Andrew and Garrett?” 

“We were with them three days ago and things were great,” It was a statement but it was phrased more like a question.

“Things change.” Shane's phone vibrated.

Andrew

_He isn’t with me._

_I need a few days off._

_I should be good by_

_San Francisco._

“Look at this.” He passed the phone to Ryland.

___

Andrew had tried to spend the day thinking about what he wanted. That's what he was supposed to be doing right? Instead, he spent part of the morning watching a basketball game. He would never do that with Garrett. He made his own coffee in his own coffee pot at home. That made him feel like he was back in college again. He wasn’t sure he wanted to feel like he was in college again. He spent a particularly long time listening to a sad playlist on Spotify with his head dangling slightly off the bed and his feet up against the wall. He did his laundry and washed the smell of Garrett off his sheets. Then after all that he called his sister.

His sister was older than him by two years and had a bit of an older sister complex, but she was kind and understanding. He hadn’t even realized that he hadn’t called her in weeks until it happened. It seemed the only times he called he were when he was lost, and he had never felt more lost.

“Hello Andrew, how are you?” He was thankful she always asked. Even though she already knew the answer, at least she hid it.

“I’m doing okay. I miss home, LA feels really big if that makes sense?” He hoped it made sense.

“What do you miss about home? I mean I know you miss me, but besides that,” he could hear the smile in her voice.

“I miss knowing who I am. I knew who I was there,” His honestly was surprising to even himself.

“What changed?” He had a choice. He could tell her, or he could not.

“I fell in love with someone I wasn’t supposed to Jen.” He started swishing his socks together.

“You didn’t make a woman cheat on her husband or something crazy like that did you, because Andrew so help me if you-“

He cut her off “I fell in love with a man.”

“Oh thank God!” She actually sounded relieved.

“Did you hear what I said? This isn’t good Jen,” He huffed out a breath likely not making a good sound over the phone.

“Is he a bad guy?”

“No, he is one of the best people I’ve ever met. That’s why I fell in love with him. I don’t like men Jennifer, I’m not gay.” He was frustrated now. Did she not realize how big this was?

“Why is it bad Andrew?” She asked it much softer.

“I’m not supposed to be with a man Jen. Do you realize what Mom and Dad would say? Do you realize what people from home would think of me? People on the internet are already thinking things and they don’t know me. They are assuming things that they have no idea about.” He moved to lie his head on his actual pillows and his head became dizzy from being upside down for so long.

“What do you like about him?” She definitely wasn’t listening to him.

“Jen what does that have anything to do-“

“Andrew, humor me please.” He just huffed into the phone again.

“He is my best friend. I don’t have to be anything with him; I can be happy, or weird, or depressed even. He is so funny, you would be on the floor Jen. He just doesn’t care what anyone thinks about him. I mean he does, a lot actually, but he does whatever he wants. He is also probably one of the most patient people I have ever met, at least with me. He is nice to everyone, and I mean everyone. He will do anything you dare him to do. He listens to good music, and he sings well. I didn’t mean to Jen.” He can hear in his own voice that he is crying now. “I didn’t mean to fall for him Jen but I did, and now I am too scared to be with him. He thinks I am ashamed of I'm Jen. I’m not ashamed of him. He is perfect. I am ashamed of myself,” he rolled on his side so he could hold the phone between his face and the pillow. He was just crying now and he had never felt so small, not even when he had been depressed. He felt like a child again having his older sister listen to him cry like this.

“Andrew, you are amazing at supporting people. You can take someone and make them into something they never could have been. The videos you are making could not be what they are without you. The sports teams you have played on and coached could have never been the same without you, not because you were the star player but because you were an amazing support. Your friends are always taken care of and watched over. You support me, Andrew. You play an amazing supporting role, but you need to stop playing the supporting role in your own life. You can’t film your own life, Andrew if you do you're just watching it pass by through a lens without actually living it.

"It’s not easy to love anyone Andrew. It hurts, it’s messy, and it will never be perfect. It is rare though Andrew. You don’t find love very often. If you love him, don’t let go because you are scared of living. You aren’t living for mom, or dad, or me, or anyone else but yourself. What do you want? Whatever the answer is to that question is what you need to do.” He could still feel tears falling on his phone screen and pillow, but he was silent now.

“I miss him, Jen. I miss him and it has been one day, but the thought that I’ve ruined this whole thing is too much.”

“If he is who you say he is, you haven’t ruined anything.” Everything was silent for a moment and then,

“Garrett. His name is Garrett Watts,” And when he says his name its just a whisper.

“I know.” He isn’t sure how she knows, and if he had any energy left in him to fight he might be mad that she said that, but it kind of makes him happy.

“Oh, okay.”

“Figure out your answer, and then go talk to him. I love you.” The line goes dead with the same sentiment Garrett had left him with.

___

He eventually builds up the courage to look at his phone. It is near 8 PM and he hasn’t done much at all. He has laid in bed all day and spent a long time looking at the wall, catching up on restless sleep, and watching a movie in French with no subtitles. He sees 3 missed calls from Shane, and 4 texts. Two are from Shane, one is from Ryland, and one is from his friend Toby who he hasn’t spoken to in a while. He checks that one first, it is the least threatening. He then moves onto Ryland’s which just reads “I hope you’re okay, Shane isn’t mad, just worried.” That makes him feel like an ass. He _should_ have called. He shouldn’t have faked dead all day. He eventually calls Shane. He lays his Phone next to his head on the speaker. It rings roughly one and a half times and he already feels like he can’t do this.

“Garrett, what the fuck? Are you okay?” It is endearing. He is genuinely asking, he isn’t mad.

“I’m alive, but I am pretending not to be.” Yeah, maybe that was a little too dark.

“Garrett What’s wrong?” There it is. The question he has been dodging like a hot knife.

“I am sorry I missed the meeting. I will have a full itinerary by tomorrow, I was just-“

“Garrett I don’t give a shit about the flights or the meeting. What happened?” So he knows it was an event.

“We aren’t talking, I mean me and Andrew. We are taking a break at the moment. We got in a bit of a fight, and it’s just been a hard day.” He hopes he is coming off as exhausted as he feels.

“What happened?” Hadn’t he just told him?

“He got some comments on his Instagram photo, the most recent one. I guess some girl named Caity texted him and asked him if he was gay. It was just too much for him,” He tries really hard not to be frustrated but he is.

“Did he say he couldn’t do it anymore?” The worry was clear in his voice.

“No, he just kept saying how he wasn’t gay, and how he didn’t like that people were in his business, and he was mad people were thinking he was with a man. He is ashamed to be with me.” He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes forcing his glasses up.

“Did he say he was ashamed to be with you?” His question wasn’t accusatory but it sure felt like it.

“No, but I could tell. He is ashamed to be with someone like me Shane. He said he didn’t want people thinking he was gay like it was the worst thing in the world to be.” there was silence for a long time. “Shane?”

“Garrett, do you remember in High School when you weren't out and people called you gay?”

“Yes, but-“

“And it felt like the worst thing in the world because it was the scariest thing in the world? Those were kids in school Garrett. A lot of people see Andrew, people all over the world see him on my videos, and I am not trying to talk myself up right now because I could give a shit about that and you know that. Just imagine that though, the first people to call you gay and insult you, or to get in your business are people you don’t even know. I’m not sure Andrew has been called gay as an actual slur a day in his life. And he is right Garrett, he isn’t gay. You have been nothing but patient and respectful of that, but he isn’t, and he never will be. It doesn’t matter if he marries you, has children with you, grows old with you, he will never be gay, and there is always something that makes a person want to get just a little defensive about that. I feel that way, and maybe not for the same reason Andrew does, but sometimes I wish I was gay. I wish they were right, but they're not, and they never will be, and it will never feel right for them to call me that no matter how much I respect and love Ryland for being Gay.” Garrett sits up taking his glasses off. The world looks as fuzzy as it feels.

“I am scared, Shane. I don’t want him to leave me. I think that is why I kicked him out, I had control. I just feel like I am waiting for impending doom. When is it going to become too much for him? Is it going to be what people say? Is it going to be in the middle of sex? Is it going to be one night 8 years into our relationship when he just realizes being with me was one big mistake? When?” Garrett’s not sure the questions he is asking are entirely rhetorical.

“Garrett, stop pushing him away because you think you are psychic. You both think you are not worth each other. You think he deserves to be with this dream woman that is just going to come down from the sky somewhere, and he thinks you deserve someone very gay and very sure of them self, and you both don’t realize that the only thing you deserve is love, and that’s what you have right there in front of your fucking faces.” Garrett can hear Shane sigh on the other end of the phone.

“What do I do? I miss him and I don’t know if he will ever come back now.”

“You wait until tomorrow, and then you go talk to him if he hasn’t come to you first. You figure this shit out. It is worth it Garrett. If you love him it is worth it.”

“I do love him Shane and that scares me.”

“I am going to tell you something I probably shouldn’t tell you considering you are my business partner and he is my cameraman and editor, but you guys are my friends first. This stays between us Garrett do you understand.” He says it almost exasperated.

“What is it?”

“He films you a lot, and he has for a while. At first, I didn’t understand it, I thought maybe it was just because he thought you were funny and we would get good footage, but turns out that wasn’t it. I think he has liked you for a long time but had no idea. Even still, everything we edit I am having to cut things out that he has filmed of you. If you are there and it is a shoot we do together I know it is going to be at least another hour of editing, and he always takes on more of the editing during those because he knows. He watches the footage, even if it is just you standing there for a while, he will just watch it. Ryland loves me in a lot of ways, and I wouldn’t trade him for the world, but there is no way he is going to film extra footage of me just to make more work for himself later.” Garrett is smiling. He feels like he doesn’t deserve to smile, but he is. He wants to make a joke about having good angles, or about being photogenic, but he doesn’t. All he says is.”

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know! What will the reunion be? Well, can't wait to see! I could have made this all one chapter, but I really felt like this was important, and I am extremely proud of this chapter and it was worth the writers block. Angst is too real, but some love is coming your way. 
> 
> Comments really make me so happy.  
> If you have something you would love to see in this story let me know, and it may just make it in.


	8. Vi er perfekt men verden er ikke det (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett and Andrew reunite after their first big argument. 
> 
> Rating M Cussing, Pre-Smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I super happy with this? No. But here it is for your viewing pleasure. I will give a summery of The Holiday at the end of the chapter for those who have never seen it. Also please listen to this song because it is pretty and inspired the title. This is a cover by Astrid S, but the song is originally by Cezinando.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEmymYyGPWg&frags=pl%2Cwn  
> The title means *We are Perfect but the World is Not* in Norwegian.

It’s 1 PM and the sun is warm on his skin. He had started this off as a run, but now he is just walking. He hadn’t noticed what song it was at first, he was just focused on the gentle padding noise of his feet and keeping his breathing even, but that was when he tuned into the lyrics. 

_You run my mind boy, runnin’ on my mind boy. Forrest Gump…_

_This is love, I know it's true. I won't forget you._

_(Frank Ocean, Forrest Gump)_

It was honestly his own fault for switching his Spotify on to the first thing he saw. It was a playlist Garrett had made, so of course it would be songs that reminded him of Garrett.

He was going to talk to him today, this morning even, but the moment he started moving to get ready he knew he wasn’t ready himself. So he decided to go for a run because that was the best excuse could come up with on the fly for having gotten out of bed. He wanted to know what to say. He wanted to have the perfect answer, but he didn’t have it yet.

He knew he was the only one holding himself back. If he wanted to love Garrett he could. He did love Garrett, but there was a voice nagging him, telling him not to. He wasn’t sure if it was even his own voice anymore, or just a voice he had manufactured. It was a voice that represented everyone else’s expectations, maybe even a little of his own, that weren’t coming true. He thought about what he had planned his life to be. He thought about the places he planned on traveling to, and the things he thought he would do. He remembered thinking he would move back to Chicago, or maybe New York. He thought about the house he would own with the basketball hoop out front, and the girl he would bring to his family home to spend white Christmases with. As he continued walking on the cracked LA pavement he pictured the videos he would film of his children, and the T-ball games he would coach. He looked at the green leaves of the eucalyptus trees as he passed them and thought about how all of his dreams were just that, dreams. Right now he felt like he was in a dream. He never thought he would be walking the streets of LA as a video editor, posting glimpses of his life on social media for millions of people to see and dating a 6’4” man. He thought he would be a talent agent. He had spent a bulk of his college career planning to become a talent agent. He had a girlfriend that he left in Illinois to move out to LA to work for an agency. He tried making vines on the internet and becoming a popular social media influence and he never took off. He resigned himself in the fact that he would never have any kind of ‘fame.’ When he met Garrett it had strictly been a platonic friendship. The switch that occurred in his mind was like waking up after you’ve fallen asleep, it just happened. He never planned any of this, and there was no way he could have. He did know that 72 hours ago he was happier than he was in any of the scenarios he had previously dreamed up in his head.

It didn’t make him mad anymore that he was confused about all of this, he was just sad. What was he supposed to say to Garrett? “I love you, I just won't let myself love you because I'm afraid I won't be the person I thought I was going to be.” Garrett’s love would never be strong enough to make Andrew love himself, that was something he had to do alone.

___

When he got back to his apartment his roommate was in the living room. They didn’t speak much nowadays because of how busy they were, but he tried striking up a conversation with Andrew today.

“Hey, how have you been?” He didn’t particularly feel like talking, even though he knew it had been a while and this was his friend.

“I’m good. Just tired.” Andrew managed a half smile.

“Hey, are you sure you're okay? Do you want me to text Garrett or something? You’ve seemed down the past two days.” Andrew just wiped the sweat from his forehead.

“No, it’s alright. We are kind of going through something right now.” He just looked at a particularly interesting detail on his shoes.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked genuinely.

“You don’t want to hear about it.” Andrew looked at the couch now. They had two, one they barely used, maybe he could give one to Garrett.

“Andrew I want to know.” Andrew looked at him, and all he saw was sincerity. He bit his lip to keep the thoughts from spilling out but it didn’t help.

“I love him, and I’m too scared to live my life for me, so I fucked it up.” He just stared at his roommate. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but he definitely wasn’t expecting what his roommate said next.

“Andrew why are you here?”

“This is my house.” He wasn’t sure what he was getting at.

“Andrew get your ass over to Garrett’s and fix whatever it is you did,” he said sternly.

“You don’t care? You don’t care that he has been here and that we-“

“Andrew it doesn’t matter if I care or not, what matters is what you want, and you don’t want to be here. If you wanted to be here you wouldn’t be moping around the house. And for the record no I don't care. This is LA, and it’s 2018, there is weirder shit you could be getting up to than making out with Garrett in your car outside our apartment. You aren’t particularly good at hiding.” Andrew could feel his whole face heat up. He had no idea his roommate already knew.

“Andrew!” He snapped his fingers in Andrew’s direction and Andrew quickly snapped his mouth shut that was agape. “Do what you need to do to sort yourself out and get your ass over there,” he added softer now “You’ve never asked for anyone when you’re depressed. That means something to me as your friend, even if he does wear weird shirts. So please just figure it out.” Andrew just stood there for a couple more seconds trying to figure out what the hell had just happened before he moved to get into the shower.

___

He had drafted a few text messages. Eventually, he stopped caring about the ellipsis bubble he knew Andrew would see if he spent five minutes pulling up their text conversation today. Since when had two people wanting each other not been enough.

He cleaned his apartment, he put on music, drafted another text, and even swept the walkway leading up to his house. He cleaned Popcorn and Echo’s cage and watched them walk across his bare mattress while his sheets were in the wash and he drafted another. He watered the succulent in his kitchen window. Andrew had bought it for him at the grocery store one day because he had been thinking of him. He probably overwatered it, it was never his job, Andrew always did it.

He eventually gave up. He made his bed and laid right on top of the duvet he had just neatly tucked in and stared at the ceiling while the music continued to play from his speaker. He wasn’t being the one thing he had demanded of Andrew, brave.

___

Andrew spent a long time in the shower, mainly trying to shake the embarrassment of being caught kissing Garrett in front of his apartment. Maybe he really was making this all a bigger deal than it needed to be. Why was he going to let some stupid girl from his past and a few comments get in the way of the one thing that made him truly happy? Everything he had dreamed up for his life thus far had been incredibly boring. Garrett was exciting, and adventurous, and joyful. He asked Andrew to do spontaneous things like go to Coachella, even when they had no way of getting into Coachella. He made Andrew laugh more than anyone ever had. He sang song lyrics wrong on purpose, and carried wands in his pocket, and knew how to make knives. He collected weird and tiny things, and watched good movies, and sang him songs when he was depressed. And for a moment Andrew let himself think about the one thing that had ultimately made him feel uncomfortable, the fact that he was attracted to Garrett. He thought about his long limbs, and the noise Garrett made when Andrew pulled his hair. He thought about Garrett’s jawline, and his beautiful blue eyes, and the way it felt to kiss him now that he had grown out his facial hair a little.

He was going to try, and he hoped that would be enough. He couldn’t stand the time apart anymore. If he was going to do this he was going to do it right, so he got dressed nicely, and actually put on a pair of jeans and a proper button-down shirt. He used cologne and made his hair look nice, and when he was done he had finally made up his mind. He was going to get his man back.

___

There was a knock at the door. He reconciled with himself the entire time he walked the small distance that it wasn’t Andrew, over and over and over. He couldn’t get his hopes up, didn’t want to get his hopes up. The closer he got to the door the shittier a job he was doing though and the quicker his feet moved. He didn’t check the peephole, he didn’t give himself a moment to compose himself like he had done so many times when he pictured this exact moment over the past 24 hours. He swung the door open, completely forgetting his promise that Shane or Ryland, or anyone else was on the other side, and there he was standing there, looking better than he had any right to.

“Um, hello.” Andrew said looking at him apprehensively. Garrett just kept his hands in his pockets. He wanted to reach out and hug him, but he didn’t know if he was allowed. He didn’t know what this was. “Can I come in?”

“Oh! Yes,” he lowered the volume of his voice, “Please, come in.”

They were silent for a while. Andrew Just walked directly into Garrett’s house, leading the way to the only comfortable surface to sit on, Garrett’s bed. He had decided he wasn’t going to be nervous, at least outwardly, so he quickly just climbed up and sat crosslegged. Garrett just stood there staring not sure what to do, or if this moment was real. He had been planning how he was going to coax a conversation out of Andrew and here Andrew was waltzing into his home like he owned the place and sitting down on his bed. Maybe he had been right, maybe he needed a couch.

“Are you going to sit?” Andrew asked as he folded his hands in his lap, squinting up at Garrett. He answered by sitting down. “I made a decision.” Garrett’s stomach dropped. What if he made the decision to leave, all because of his big mouth.

“Andrew listen, about that, I was really hard on you. I was too hard on you and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have forced you to make any decisions. I had time, Shane had time, Ryland had time, everyone gets to do this on their time, and so do you. I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard. Gosh, I’m sorry Andrew,” he said his voice tapering off on the end as he looked down at his hands.

“Garrett, I needed to make a decision or at least more of a decision than I was making. I was living in a bubble, where everything was nice and comfortable and safe. I needed to realize the reality of life outside that bubble. You know how you made us watch The Holiday like three weeks ago?” Andrew really hoped this explanation would work.

“Yes, but that was mostly just for Jude Law and I knew you would get bored and stop paying attention halfway through.” Garrett was pushing his glasses into his face with his pointer finger.

“Well I did listen, to part of it at least. I realized that I am Kate Winslet Garrett. I have been playing the supporting character in my own life. I have all these plans, and expectations, some put on me by other people, but most I put on myself, and I felt like if I didn’t meet those expectations I was failing at something. I was too busy focusing on what I didn’t have that I didn’t realize what I did have.”

“Am I Jack Black in this scenario? Because, normally I wouldn’t want to be Jack Black, but I am willing to be Jack Black in this scenario.” Andrew couldn’t help but giggle at that.

“Yes Garrett, you are Jack Black. I thought I wanted a lot of things, Garrett. I thought I wanted to be a talent agent for people and make them into these amazing celebrities. I would have been miserable doing that. I never thought I would be filming videos for Shane, or thinking about living in LA for a long time, or staying up until 6 AM editing. I never thought 75% of my friends would be LGBT and that I would rather watch movies like The Holiday than watch basketball games. I never thought I would have fallen in love with you but I have, and anything else wouldn’t meet my expectation because my new expectation is you. You make me happy. I want to be with you. It took letting go of the metaphorical idiot at the office for me to see that what I want is Jack Black.” He didn’t know when but at some point Andrew had put his hand on Garrett’s knee.

“You love me?” Garrett couldn’t help that he was a bit shocked.

“I love you, and that scares me, but I do. That’s my decision. I choose you. It was never you I was ashamed of Garrett, it was myself I was ashamed of.” He placed his hand on Garrett’s jaw hoping he would understand that it was true.

“I love you too,” and then Garrett’s lips were on his and it felt like coming home. He moved to sit in Garrett’s lap and they just kissed. It felt nice to hold him again and not be afraid to do it. It felt like the commitment they thought they had made, but never really had until now.

Eventually Garrett pulled away to put their foreheads together, rubbing his hands up and down the strong plane of Andrew's back.

“It’s easier said than done, but don’t be ashamed Andrew. You have the capacity for something that most people don’t, and I’m not just saying this because it has to do with me. You get to walk across this field Andrew, and most people either don’t have the ability to do that, or the bravery. You have both of those Andrew. I like to sit here and think I am brave, but I haven’t had to do what you have done. It was never as confusing for me, it was just hard. I just want you to keep being brave, and I will pick up the rest.” He then gently kissed his forehead.

“I will walk across the field to your tiny house every day Garrett. Hopefully one day it won't be a tiny house anymore, it will be a normal house, and it won't be your house, it will be our house. First, though, you need a couch,” and he just started giggling.

“You're coming with me to pick out this couch you so desperately want Andrew Siwicki,” Garrett said with no bite to it.

“I plan on it, and then once we get one, I intend to use it,” His voice dropping lower.

“How do you intend to use this couch, Andrew?”

“Well I’m going to show you just how unashamed I am,” he was staring at Garret, their faces still very close to each other.

“How do you plan to do that?” Garret’s voice was just above a whisper now. Andrew answered him by kissing him, biting his bottom lip and pulling it back just a little before releasing it back. He kissed the corner of Garret’s mouth, and then his jaw,up to his ear and then whispered, “I’m finally gonna blow you.” Garrett immediately dropped his head into Andrews' neck grabbing onto the back of his shirt.

“Fuck, Andrew you can’t just say shit like that,” and when Andrew laughed it was darker this time.

“Would you like me to stop?”

“No.” Garrett’s large hands pulled Andrew in closer to him.

“When are you buying this couch, Garrett?” He pulled on his hair lightly and Garrett eagerly followed so he was looking him in the eye again.

“Tomorrow, fuck, we’re going tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Holiday: Kate Winslet trades homes with a woman in LA because she is trying to escape a terrible man she is in love with but keeps stringing her along and whom just got engaged to another woman. She falls in love with Jack Black, but dumb idiot comes to visit her and she realizes in that moment that she is way better off without him and with Jack Black. 10 out of 10 would recommend it is one of my favorite movies and it has sexy Jude Law in it. 
> 
> Please leave me comments letting me know what you think. 
> 
> Anyone pick up on the couch inside joke? Because I have. Andrew really thinks Garrett needs a couch. I think I just signed myself up for another smut chapter. Then maybe a San Francisco filming with the crew get away adventure chapter that will probably be super fun but incredibly difficult to write? I am thinking yes. I move to a different state in 2 weeks so check my tumblr for my upload updates.


	9. The Couch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew makes Garrett buy a couch, and he remembers that he has a promise to own up to now. 
> 
> Rated: E  
> Sexy Times  
> Cussing, probably too much.
> 
> I do not cast aspirations on Garrett or Andrew.  
> I do not use a Beta.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still getting the hang of writing smut so there is so much communication I don't even know if it is sexy anymore but like it is sexy because, well, communication.

Garrett Wakes up first. The light is streaming in from the blinds covering his window and it is causing lines to dance across Andrew’s face. He is still asleep with his head rested on Garrett’s shoulder and he has an arm wrapped around his middle.

Sometimes it scares Garrett how beautiful he finds Andrew to be, even now when he is mostly blurry because he doesn’t have his glasses on. It’s scary because it was almost gone. He isn’t sure Andrew realizes how deep his feelings really are. He is sure he loves Andrew. He knows they said it the other night, but it is a scary realization to know he meant it. He has never been this type of person before. This isn’t how he normally acts. Sure, he has always been nice and respectful. He loves finding fun and cute things to do for people and would never be pushy. That is the problem though, he never pushes for anything. He has never wanted something so bad. He pushes away when it gets too close because it means he could get hurt. He doesn't want to lose the things that are most important to him, so he never makes them important. 

Right now Andrew is very close. He is all about on top of Garrett, nestled into his side. Garrett can’t help it but tighten his grip on Andrew’s back because of his train of thinking. He didn’t know what he was doing, or if he was handling this whole situation correctly, but he was incredibly thankful to have him back.

 

Garrett had almost fallen back asleep when Andrew started shifting around. When he finally opened his eyes he looked down to see him with his arms folded on top of his chest, using Garrett as his own personal table.

“Good morning,” Garrett said through a yawn.

“Morning.” He had a cute freaking smile. He reached across Garrett’s body to grab his glasses and placed them gently on his face kissing him on the nose.

“You have a nice face,” Garrett said, immediately tilted his head back. What a dumb thing to say.

“You have a nice face too,” Andrew laughed. “Guess what we are doing today?” he was drumming his fingertips lightly on Garrett’s chest.

“Staying here all day?” He knew that was the wrong answer.

“We are buying you a damn couch Garrett.”

 

Driving around was fun with Garrett. They were currently listening to _Peach Scone_ by Hobo Johnson yelling “NOT BEING SO ALONE!” It felt good to have a weight lifted. Yelling Hobo Johnson felt good. It almost felt like yelling what he actually wanted to yell which was “I LOVE GARRETT WATTS!” There is something about the thought of almost losing a thing that makes you not give two fucks about how much you really love it. It makes you want to do crazy things with and for the thing. Today that thing was Garrett, and Andrew was going to buy his man a couch.

 

The store was small and smelled like new upholstery and cinnamon. It was already decorated nicely for fall, even though the weather hasn’t quite caught up yet. They had everything, bed frames, lazy boys, armoires, and even a velvet chaise longue.

After looking around a bit Andrew finally turned to ask “What do you want Big Guy?”

“I feel like I should be asking you this question since you want this couch so badly,” but there was no bite to it.

“Do you want something that will last you a long time? Something colorful? Something comfy?” he asked completely ignoring Garrett’s statement.

“Maybe brown, maybe leather, and I want it to be comfortable.” He ran his hand across the arm of a duvet they passed.

“Leather, really? I don’t know how comfortable that will be.”

“It can be if you have blankets, and it is squishy enough.” He leaned down suddenly to whisper into Andrew’s ear “Also, it’s easy to clean.” Andrew couldn’t help his ears turning a little pink at that. He _had_ promised Garrett something last night hadn’t he.

“Leather, leather is nice,” he said more to himself than to anyone else.

 

They spent a good twenty minutes sitting in an array of armchairs. Garrett thought it was pretty neat technology that the chairs nowadays seemed to fling a person out of them for those who struggled to get out of recliners. He insisted that Andrew film an Instagram story of him rising from a chair with no hands with the matrix theme playing in the background. Their laughter must have eventually caused enough of a ruckus for a middle-aged woman to finally walk up to them and ask if they needed any help. She had short grey hair and could be no taller than 5’.

“Can I help you gentleman?” She asked trying to keep her tone polite, but they could both tell she was more than a little frustrated with their behavior.

“Yes actually, we are looking for a new couch.” Something in the way Andrew said _we_ made Garrett’s stomach go all funny. He had never said we so assertively before.

“Well I can show you some of our cheaper options over here, they will likely fit well into your budget.” She was looking at them up and down lingering on Garrett's wildly printed shirt. Andrew could tell she thought they were both goofball roommates who could barely afford rent, and something in him, a very dangerous something, set out to prove her wrong. Well at least about the roommates who couldn’t pay rent. He couldn’t help the goofball part.

“Actually we are looking for a brown leather couch for _our home_. We don’t really have a budget,” he put his hand on Garrett's shoulder to prove a point. what in the world was he doing? Whatever it was Garrett was loving it, internally that is. He was afraid to speak. He didn’t want to agree or disagree, affirm or deny. He just stood there and let Andrew tell this tiny sassy grey-haired woman off. He would eventually need to remind Andrew thought that he did indeed have a budget.

She squinted her eyes at them a moment and then said: “Follow me.”

They make their way over to a section of couches in a nice living room display. There was a large couch and a love seat together with a rug and table, all with price tags neatly placed behind plastic badges.

“We have this set here. It is my personal favorite. It is not genuine leather, but it has the look and feels all the same. Each comes with two throw pillows, and they have a five-year warranty.” They are both very serious now as if they need to impress this woman. They both sit on the love-seat together. Andrew has to admit, it’s pretty comfortable in a way he never expected a leather couch to be. “I’ll give you two some time to think it over.”

“What do you think?” Andrew asks the second she leaves.

“It’s nice. My deeply suppressed inner vegetarian is happy it is faux leather. What do you think? Be honest, I actually want you to like it.” Andrew likes that. He likes that a lot.

“It’s comfortable. It will definitely need a throw blanket, one of those fuzzy ones like Shane has. We will have to see where he got it. I have almost stole one of them a few times.” He can't help but touch the back of his hand to Garrett’s. They are in public, and he wants to be careful, but this is fun. Who knew talking about throw blankets would be so damn fun.

“I can agree to a fuzzy throw blanket.” He is smiling. He has to keep smiling to keep from kissing Andrew right there on his cute little freaking cheek.

“Garrett I’m buying this couch for you. Please let me buy this couch for you.” It comes out serious, and he can see Garrett's face fall.

They had bought each other a lot of things. They had bought each other a million cups of coffee, a million burritos, and even a hard drive. Garret at one point bought Andrew a mug from a thrift store that said _Kewl Dude_ , and Andrew bought him a big bag of peanut MnM’s because he was sad even though he ended up eating half the bag himself that night anyway. The thing was that thoughtful gifts were not new, even before their relationship. What was new was Andrew spending $1,200 on a couch for Garrett’s home.

“Andrew it’s too much.” He was whispering now, looking at where he was slipping his middle finger in-between two of Andrew’s.

“Garrett, it was my idea. I wanted this couch. I want this to be our couch. It doesn’t have to be. I know that is a pretty left field thing to do considering I have been so back and forth lately. I think it could be a fun step though. We could watch movies, and have conversations, and buy stupid fuzzy throw blankets. It’s not your bed, It’s not my bed, it’s our couch.” Andrew took a deep breath. He hadn’t planned this. Sure, he planned to buy Garrett a couch, or help pay for a couch, but he never thought it would mean this. He didn’t expect to make a speech about it.

“We are going to split the payment of the couch. If it is our couch, then we are both going to pay for it. If you pay for it, it’s just your couch in my house. We will split the couch. I want it to be our couch Andrew, I want that a lot. I want _our_ anything.” Garrett took his hand for just a moment and squeezed it before letting go.

“Okay,” Andrew just smiled at him.

 

Delivery it turns out did not come for another day. Andrew is honestly grateful. He remembers his promise and it makes something in his stomach twist nervously. It really makes no sense how he can be so unabashedly excited and horrifyingly nervous about something in tandem. He needs to talk to Shane.

He has talked to Shane a lot recently. When they're shooting he feels a lot more comfortable asking about Ryland, and Shane seems to be a lot more comfortable making little jokes here and there about his own relationship, and even sometimes about Garrett and Andrew's. He never asks first though. Andrew honestly didn’t expect that. He thought for sure Shane would have given him the third degree by now, but he hasn’t and he won’t. It has to be because he understands.

Thankfully they are shooting today. It feels like they have been shooting forever. They should have had this series done by now but someone last minute decided to do an interview so it is going to be another 4 or 5 hours of footage, and another day of editing. Andrew is honestly looking forward to the vacation he is going to get for the next two weeks before their next big project which is taking place in San Francisco. It is just long enough to be able to spend some time getting tipsy on cheap alcohol at someone's Halloween party he is sure to be invited to. He is wearing a black shirt to shoot in today, but the second he gets back to Garrett’s tonight he is putting on his JoJo Siwa sweatshirt and he doesn’t give two fucks.

“I know we normally uber, but could I drive today?” He can tell that is not what Shane was expecting.

“Andrew they live like thirty minutes away, I don't want you to waste your gas.” He knows he is going to have to spell it out for Shane.

“I need to talk to you, and I don’t want the driver to hear. I’ll buy an uber and we can go to target and back and get footage that way if you are worried about that.” He doesn’t mean to sound as defensive as he does. He just really needs some advice. Shane doesn’t respond, he just waves his arm towards Andrew’s car.

They don’t say anything for a few minutes. Shane helps Andrew pull up the address and the only person talking is Siri’s voice telling Andrew what direction he needs to go. It’s awkward and he really should have thought this through. Maybe he should have put some music on. He can’t help but tap his fingers on the steering wheel nervously. Thankfully Shane speaks first.

“So what’s been going on?” It isn’t quite how are you. It is further reaching than that.

“I am good. Things are good. We are together now, like properly. Well secretly, but my sister knows.” He’s not sure why he is starting this conversation with his sister.

“What did she say?” Shane is keeping his voice surprisingly neutral. He is looking straight out the windshield.

“She got mad at me, but not for the liking Garrett part. She thought I had made a married woman fall in love with me." He can't help but laugh a little at the memory. "Then when I told her it was actually a man I fell in love with she was relieved. I knew she would be okay, but I didn’t know she would be that okay. I needed to tell someone though.” He can tell Shane is looking at him now.

“I am happy it went well. I am happy you were able to tell someone. I remember how scary it was to tell my brother. I ended up crying like a baby.” What he is saying sounds sad but he is letting out little huffs of laughter.

“Oh, I definitely cried. I started crying when she asked me what I liked about him,” and Andrew felt himself laughing too.

“ _What do_ you like about him?” It comes out as a joke but Andrew decides to answer seriously.

“Everything.”

They are silent for a while and then Shane starts talking again.

“I am so fucking happy you guys figured it out. I never would have put you two together, like in my logical mind it makes no sense, but when I see it I wonder how it hasn’t been going on for longer.”

“We bought a couch together.” They are at a red light when they both look at each other and start laughing. Andrew has no idea why this declaration is so funny, it just is.

“That is a big step buying a couch together,” again Shane’s tone is joking but Andrew knows he is serious.

“He wanted a leather couch.”

“Of course he did. Why would Garrett want a normal fucking couch. Why did you let him buy a weird couch?”

“Because he may have made acompelling case.” Andrew’s stomach is suddenly tight.

“What might that be?”

“Easy cleanup.” He is squinting his eyes like he is trying to see something beyond the cars, but really he is just trying to hide the blush he knows is beginning to spread over his cheeks.

“hmmm” Shane is laughing to himself now.

“I might need your advice. I may have promised him something if he furnished his damn apartment.” He looks at Shane for a moment pleading.

“Shoot.”

“Well we have done some _things_ ,” gosh why does he feel like a teenager, “and I told him I would do another thing, but I have never done this thing, and I was wondering how you did this thing without freaking out. About the _thing_.”

“Are you going to tell me what the thing is?”

“Hmm.. a, I said I would, fuck, I said I would blow him okay. It was actually really fucking sexy when I said it too, but now I’m just-“

“Andrew.”

“Yeah.” He is squinting again. He decides to chance a glance at Shane. His face is soft. He doesn’t look like he is about to make fun of him which was Andrew’s fear.

“First of all, if you don’t want to, don’t. No one wants something from someone who doesn’t feel down to do it. Well unless they are a creep, and Garrett is not a creep.”

“It isn’t that I don’t want to, it's that I am almost certain I will fuck it up.” He is saying fuck a lot in this conversation.

“Andrew, have you gotten a blow job from someone who has never given one before?”

“Yeah when I was 18, Garrett is 29!He has got a lot of amazing ones I am sure.”

“Was it awful?” Shane asks, completely skipping over Andrew’s response.

“No, but it wasn’t amazing.”

“Did you really like her?”

“I liked her.”

“Did you like her as much as you think Garrett likes you?”

“No.” He can’t help the nervous tapping he starts up again with his fingertips.

“Did you tell her to stop, or was it good enough that you let her keep going.” He hates how red his face it. He also hates that he is _remembering_ it. He is remembering what it was like to have a girl go down on him and have it be too wet and maybe too slow, but still so good.

“Fine,” because he gets it now. He gets what Shane is trying to say. He understands that it doesn’t really matter all that much. He just wishes he wasn’t so nervous. “I still hate that I have no idea what I’m doing. I do so much guessing. I don’t know how you did it. That is what I am asking. How do you get past all of this? When am I going to stop guessing? I am sick of being nervous all the time.”

“So is he.” Andrew can feel his shoulders slump. They are a mile from their destination.

“No, he is not.”

“Yes, he is. He wants it to be good for you too, probably even more so. You are Garrettsexual. He doesn’t want to scare you away. That is why he has a tendency to push people away. Listen you need to do three things. First, you need to relax. If you really want to know how it was for me, it was good. I am on the other side now and I have no complaints either way. Second, you need to ask him. If you want it to be great then ask him. I don’t know what he wants, and I don't want to know.” He is lifting up the third finger now as Andrew finds a parking spot. “Third, when all else fails, Google it.”

 

Filming goes well. It thankfully only takes four hours and by the time Andrew is pulling up to his own apartment, it’s 7. He has no plans to stay here tonight, but he wants to take a shower, and really he just wants more time to prepare. It feels incredibly unsexy how much planning he is putting into this, but it also feels like it needs to be that way. He needs to know sometimes what is going to be happening. Sometimes he doesn’t need that time. Sometimes it is great to wake up and have Garrett get him off while he sucks on his neck. That definitely wasn’t planned. The night they finally did anything sexual wasn't planned, but it was careful. Everything they have done has been easy thus far, but this is so new. So yeah he is planning it, and maybe that is a little less sexy, but at least this way it might actually happen.

 

_Andrew: Hey, gonna take a shower and_

_then I’ll be over._

_That okay?_

 

_Garrett: Yes! Missed you. I drank way_

_too much coffee and I have been_

_extra bored._

 

_Andrew: :) Missed you. Can I ask a_

_favor?_

 

_Garrett: yes_

 

_Andrew: Can you also take a_

_shower?_

_Is that super unsexy?_

_Sorry._

 

_Garret: Very yes sexy. Yes I can._

 

When he get’s to Garrett’s house his hair is still a little wet and pushed back nicely. Andrew can't help but reach up and run his hand through the front and over the unshaved hair on Garrett’s jaw. He is still stood on the landing and it makes Garrett even taller so he has to stand up on his toes just slightly when he kisses him. It makes butterflies appear in his stomach. Sometimes he really doesn’t mind being just a little bit smaller.

“Come in.” Garrett takes his hand and leads him in with a huge smile on his face. It smells nice, like the sandalwood candle Garrett sometimes likes to burn. He suddenly stops, grabbing Andrew’s bag and dropping it on the floor. “Close your eyes.”

“Something tells me you were not as bored as you said you were.”

“I’m always bored without you, now close your eyes.”

“Okay,” and it comes out as a whisper.

Garrett has his arm around him now and he is slowly leading him into where he knows the couch is. He can smell it, new upholstery mixed with sandalwood, mixed with Garrett’s shampoo. He feels them come to a stop and then Garrett is placing a kiss to his temple.

“Okay, you can open your eyes.”

When he does it is not what he was expecting. He was expecting a couch, and Garrett’s projector, and the wardrobe and shelves he keeps his wine bottles and knickknacks on. What he sees is all of those things, but there is a nice fluffy rug under the couch and a coffee table with the candle on it and a tiny plant and a tin box. There are fairy lights strung up all along the walls and a modern looking gold lamp that is very garret illuminating the space. It looks like a home. There are pillows and the fluffy blankets on the couch and it looks so settled.

“Garrett, when did you do all of this?”

“Lets just say I called my uncle.” He is beaming.

“It looks so nice Garrett.”

“Our couch needed a good home. I hope you like it! We can change something if you want. If there is anything you don’t like say the word and we can switch it around. I just really wanted to make this a nice space for us,” and there is that word again, _Us_.

“I love it. I love it. I love it.” He has to burry his face into Garrett’s chest to keep from repeating the words he wants to say. _I love you_. He knows he has already said it, but it is still so new.

“Come, sit! We can watch movies on my wall now,” He waves his hand at his empty wall.

“What movie are we watching tonight?”

“A Star is Born, 1954 edition.”

“No Kill Bill, Harry Potter, or Charlie’s Angels tonight?” Andrew said smiling.

He expected a retort but all he got was “Nope.” He moved to put the movie in and Andrew slipped his shoes off in the corner. It felt weird not going straight to Garrett’s room.

“Do I get popcorn?”

“Of course,” Garret said turning around to face Andrew. He slid the small remote into his pocket. He was wearing grey cotton shorts that come just above his knee and his PlayStation shirt. He looks good. Sometimes Andrew has to remind himself that it is okay to just look. He loves how long Garrett’s legs look with nothing on them and the way his wrists are peaking out of the sleeves he had rolled up. He loves Garrett’s hands. He has large palms and long fingers and Andrew had never really thought about someone’s hands before. He can't help but follow his eyes up to his neck. He has the longest neck that is so easy to find places to kiss, and it leads to a strong jaw-

“ Andrew?” His eyes look up quickly to meet Garrett’s. He can feel his face heating up. Maybe he shouldn’t stare too long. “You okay?”

“You're pretty.” Yeah definitely shouldn’t stare too long. He says weird shit like that when he stares too long.

“You think so?” He was smiling and his face was a little red.

“Well, handsome. You're handsome," he says shaking his head and looking down at his feet. He can feel Garrett close to him and his arms drape loosely around his neck.

“It’s okay to call me pretty Andrew, I like it. Just because I’m a guy doesn’t mean you can’t call me pretty. I think you’re pretty too.” He left the softest kiss on Andrew’s forehead.

“I’m sorry.” Andrew’s cheeks were still pink from embarrassment, but now it was because he feels like an idiot.

“Hey, I’m not mad. Andrew you literally just complimented me, _twice_. I just want you to know you can say whatever you want. It’s just me. I just want you to be comfortable.” They looked at each other for a moment. It was nice to just look into Garrett’s eyes because those are pretty too, but soon he is placing his hand on Andrew’s face and they are kissing soft and gentle.  Any embarrassment he feels seems to quickly melt away. 

Eventually, they do pull away when they are both a little breathless.

“Garrett I have something to tell you,” Andrew says biting his lip to keep from smiling.

“What?”

“You’re pretty.” Garrett puts both of his large hands on the sides of Andrew's face and kisses him hard but quick making a terrible smacking sound that leaves them both laughing. “Do I get any of this wine up here?” Andrew askes pointing to the shelf of wine.

Now it's Garrett’s turn to bite his lip. He is squinting through his glasses, not unlike Andrew in the car earlier.

“What are you thinking Garrett?” He can't help but grab one of his hands. “I want you to be comfortable enough to talk to me too. We don’t have to drink anything.” Andrew keeps massaging his thumb into the center of Garrett's palm.

“I don’t want to sound awful, or like I am pressuring you, but I also feel like I need to say this.” He runs his free hand through his own hair. “So you said something the other night, that if we got the couch… I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything. I also don’t want to drink if we are going to do anything though. It would be new, and when we were drinking before it was bad. I don’t want it to ever be like that again. I still feel terrible about that. If we are just going to watch a movie and cuddle and fall asleep then yes, I would love to. I also _would_ love just sitting on the couch watching a movie with you and cuddling if that is what you want. This is all at your pace and I am just happy to be with you. If anything _is_ happening though, or even if we _think_ it might, no drinking.” His eye contact with Andrew is serious, and he has to pull his hand from Andrew’s to chew on his nail.

“No drinking.” Andrew kept the same serious eye contact, trying to show confidence. He wants Garrett to know how much he wants this.

“I don’t want to push you,” he says between the finger in his mouth.

“You are not pushing me. Anything we do is something I want. It should also be something you want too. If you don’t want something you have to tell me also. This can’t just all be about me either.”

“Okay.” Suddenly Garrett bent down and Grabbed Andrew by his middle into a tight hug, lifting him into the air just slightly causing his back to crack obscenely.

“Holy shit,” Andrew moans.

“Oh my gosh are you okay?”

“That is something I want! Every day, all day. You are my new chiropractor.” He is giggling and rolling his shoulders. “Let's make popcorn Big Guy.”

 

 

Andrew is warm. He is wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket with his back against Garrett’s chest. He is full from the bag of popcorn they ate between the two of them, and the smell of new couch and sandalwood was still in the air. All the lights were off except the little fairy lights that cast a warm glow over the entire room.

Garrett’s hand is flat on Andrew’s stomach underneath his JoJo Siwa sweatshirt. Andrew experimentally squeezes Garrett’s thigh and then slides his hand down to his bare knee. He can feel the lightest touch of Garrett's lips on his neck, almost like a request for permission. There isn't much room, but he shifts his neck further to the side to give Garrett more space to work. He's hoping it will be enough of an answer. He doesn't know how to start this. He wants to, he just doesn't know where to begin.

He can feel more feather-light kisses, one to his clothed shoulder, one on his neck, one behind the ear, and then Garrett is gently bitting the top of his ear.

“Is this okay?” He whispers, and Andrew can feel the breath fan across his face.

He squeezes Garrett’s thigh again and nods. The hand that is warm on his stomach leaves and fingers sink into the top of his sweatshirt to expose more of his shoulder. He lets out a long breath through his nose and soon Garrett is properly attaching his lips to the sensitive skin there, gently sucking and nibbling leaving a mark. He is happy to feel the hand return to his stomach smoothing gentle circles there. He doesn't understand how he is already half hard, he hasn't even taken his pants off yet.

They haven't done this in over 2 weeks. Even when they got back together they just made out hard on Garrett’s bed, just happy to be together again. He guessed it really wasn’t his fault. It also helps that Andrew can also feel Garrett pressing into his lower back. He isn't the only one affected by this, and Garrett is getting nothing more than a few squeezes to his thigh. That is going to change though because this isn't supposed to be about Andrew. This is supposed to be about Garrett.

“Garrett.”

“Hmm?” He is still attacking Andrew’s neck. Thank goodness he is never in many videos.

“Want to kiss you.” Garrett’s hand stills on Andrew’s stomach but he continues kissing his shoulder for a few more seconds finishing up whatever work he seemed to be in the middle of. Andrew uses Garrett’s thighs as leverage to push himself up so he can turn around. He is essentially just kneeling in between Garrett’s legs now andit’s easy to lean over him and kiss him this way. It’s not rushed but Andrew’s mouth is firm as his hand immediately finds Garrett’s hair weaving his fingers in and tugging gently at the root. It makes Garrett gasp and Andrew easily slips his tongue into his mouth. He can feel Garrett’s hands grab at backs of his thighs. It’s not a great angle, there is no way for either of them to get any sort of friction, but that's not what Andrew wants right now.

It’s hot now. The gentle warmth that was in the room a minute ago is gone and he wants this sweatshirt gone now. He leans back, sitting on his heels and grabs at the hem. Garrett sits up grabs his wrists stopping him. For a second he is worried, but he looks into Garrett's eyes are sees that they are more black than they are blue and he begins removing the item off of Andrew’s body himself. It lands on the floor somewhere inside out behind them.

“Your pretty,” Garret whispers, and it sounds like it should be a joke but he says it with such sincerity. He is gently kissing at Andrew’s chest when the words get out. “You don’t have to, just please know if you are not ready you don’t have to.” It is because Garrett says that, that Andrew wants to. He knows he can trust him. He knows he can trust the gentle hands that are running up and down his ribs. He can trust beautiful face looking up at him that is very much turned on, and also very much willing to end everything right here. It doesn’t come out in the sexy way he has planned it to, or even the sexy way he has already said it before. It is not sexy at all, it is just honest.

He says it quietly. “I want to.”

Garrett’s is burying his head into Andrew's chest again breathing deeply. Hands slide down to Andrew’s waist and grip there a moment, only to slowly make their way back up to his ribs again. When Garrett can finally look up again he responds just as quietly. “Okay.” 

Andrew’s grabs at the hem of Garrett’s shirt but he waits for Garrett to nod before taking it off. Why this man could ever feel self-conscious about what is underneath he will never understand. He loves it. He loves being able to kiss along Garrett’s long neck and suck right where his Adam’s apple is. He loves the feeling of pushing his broad shoulders back against the pillow. He loves the way Garrett arches his back to meet Andrew’s mouth when he uses his flattened tongue to lick over one of his nipples. He is overwhelmed with how much he loves and the fact that he loves it. Garrett’s ribs are widespread under his fingers and his legs are long and he is just so fucking tall. He can feel how fast Garrett is breathing as he slowly kisses down his stomach. It keeps clenching and unclenching and he is huffing out little noises. When he licks into his belly button he makes a keening noise.

“Are you ticklish?” He breaths against the wet skin.

Garrett's laugh is breathy. “Yeah, a little bit. Mainly it just feels really good. I guess I’m a little nervous.”

“Are you okay?” He smooths a hand up to Garrett’s chest and looks at him properly.

“Yeah, I’m doing great,” He leans his head back against the pillow. “Just haven't in a while, and you’re already really good at this.” That makes Andrew laugh.

“Garrett I haven’t done anything to be good at yet.

“Exactly, you are going to fucking kill me.” He grabs Andrew’s hand to pull him up into a kiss. It’s uncoordinated and a bit too much tongue but it makes Andrew feel a lot less nervous. He snakes an arm in between them to palm Garrett through his shorts. He can’t help it, but he is sizing up what he is about to do. When he feels ready he finally slips two fingers into the waistband of Garrett's shorts though and gently rubbing the skin there.

“Can I take these off?” His other hand is in Garrett’s hair again gently massaging.

“Yes.”

“Both?”

“Yes.” He leans back again and looks over Garrett’s body. He has a few light marks and his chest is flushed and his eyes are closed. He looks fucking great. He slowly dips his fingers in on either side and slips both Garrett’s shorts and underwear off, tossing them on the floor with everything else. He takes his own pants off but leaves his boxers on. It allows him to adjust his body so he is farther down and he is on top of one of the fluffy blankets which feel nice against his bare skin. He kisses the inside of Garrett’s knee, and then the inside of his thigh. He makes his way over slowly to the juncture of his hip and to his hip bone.

He can feel Garrett’s eyes on him. He knows he is watching to make sure Andrew is okay.

“If I do something you don’t like tell me, please. I really don't want to be bad at this.” He didn’t want to say it but he feels better now that he has. All of his insecurities are out in the open laid out as naked as Garrett is.

“You won't be bad.”

“Just please.”

“Okay.”

He takes Garrett’s hard length into his hand and strokes it a few times and then kisses the tip. Garrett is still looking at him, biting his lip so hard he thinks it might bleed. He lays it down against his stomach and licks a stripe from the base to the top. It tastes like skin and smells warm. That was one of his bigger worries, and so far so good. He takes just the head in his mouth, swirling his tongue around. That is bitter tasting, but the skin is so soft, and Garrett is groaning. He has to prop himself up on his elbows more so he can take more in his mouth. It is slow going, and the up and down motion is shallow, but he is focused on the noises Garrett is making.

Over time he finally gathers enough brain power to use his hand on the base, and he is able to pick up his speed a little faster and suck a little harder.

“Ahh, Andrew so good, fuck.” He feels a hand in his hair gently running through his curls. It is easy to get lost in the feeling. He can feel his jaw tensing, but he has figured out how to breath in and out of his nose evenly and it feels like he is getting the hang of it. The sounds coming from Garrett's mouth are enough to make him rut against the couch slightly. In a particularly brave maneuver, he drops down farther moaning around Garrett’s length when his hips involuntarily jerk up causing Andrew to make a gagging noise and pull off.

“Oh my gosh! I am so sorry. Are you okay.” Garrett sits up so fast putting a hand on Andrew’s shoulder. He is laughing, full on laughing, while also coughing a little.

“Garrett I am fine. At least I know what it feels like now for how many times I have done that on accident.” There is still a look of concern on Garrett’s face. “Garrett I promise I am fine. I was quite enjoying it actually,” he says voice a little rough.

“I was too, obviously.” He sounds sad about it.

“Garrett has anyone ever done that to you?”

“Yes! and that is why I feel so bad!” His hands are covering his face.

“Has it ever been an accident?”

“Yes.”

“Did it stop you from continuing?”

“No, but it wasn't my first time!” His hands fly off his face.

Andrew leans up and presses his chest against Garrett’s. “I am okay. You really did not hurt me okay.” He kisses him gently.

“Okay.”

He waves his hand through his hair again pulling his head to the side. He starts sucking a mark into the skin on Garrett's collarbone, sinking his teeth in. He is properly pulling on Garrett's hair now and a noise is coming from low in Garrett's throat. He kisses the mark and slowly up his jaw all the way to the shell of his ear to whisper, “Now can I please finish sucking you off?” He pulls his head back because while he is trying to be sexy he also wants approval.

“Yes, it won't be very long, I was so close. I thought I was going to have to warn you soon.” He grabs the back of Andrew’s head and pulls him in for a kiss. He still seems just a little scared to continue. He pulls away and says “You can hold my hip down. I promise I won’t, but that is what I do. I hate to be giving you tips right now but it helps me.”

“I want to know. We are allowed to talk Garrett. One day we will know each other so well we won't have to say a word. It will be fast and hot and all of that, but right now I want you to tell me everything. You can give me a full fucking tutorial after if you want.”

Slowly he slides down Garrett’s body again. He is tired of talking even though that goes against what he just said. He puts his right palm over Garrett’s hipbone and massages the skin there for a minute while he pumps him in his other hand. He makes quick work of working him back up. Soon his hips are twitching and his eyes are closed and he is right where Andrew wants him when he quickly takes him back into his mouth as far as he can go pressing down hard on Garret’s hip.

“Ahh, I am already so close Andrew shit.” He just keeps it up sucking and using his tongue when he can at the tip. He can feel Garrett pulsing heavy on his tongue. A few more seconds and a flick right into his slit and Garrett’s warning him. “Andrew I’m going to cum. You don’t- I’m going to,” and soon he is shooting into Andrew’s mouth. It is bitter and not the most pleasant, but he does his best to swallow it down anyway. He gives Garrett one final tug, licking over the head and then rests both his hands on his ribs. Garrett’s not looking at him. He is breathing deep and his eyes are closed.

“Are you okay?” Andrew asks, and it is almost comical how quickly Garrett’s head snaps up.

“I’m great! I’m dead, but I’m great.”

“You’ll fit in with the rest of your knickknacks.”

“I’ll come back to your insult later Sir," He pulls Andrew up and holds him tight to his body. "Are you okay? You didn’t have to swallow, but holy shit that entire thing was so hot.” Andrew can’t help but laugh.

“Well I did, and while I wouldn't say I love it, it makes clean up a whole hell of a lot easier.”

“There are easy ways of swallowing.” It slips out of his mouth without him meaning it to. His eyes go so wide Andrew is worried they may actually fall out of his head. “You don't have to though! Like ever again! If you didn’t like any of this we don’t have to do any of it ever again,” Garrett’s voice is pitched high and he is talking way too fast. Andrew can’t help but sit in his lap and put a finger over his mouth.

“Shhh. I liked it. I love you.”He moves his hand to cup Garrett’s jaw and kiss him. Garrett breaks the kiss, tugging at Andrew's lower lip.

“I love you too,” He pulls him into his chest, and he slides one leg out from under Andrew’s so he is sat on just one of his legs. He can feel the way he is slowly moving his thigh up and down. It doesn’t do much, but it receives some of the pressure and Andrew can’t help but hide his face in the crook of Garrett’s neck.

“Want to make you feel good,” and Garrett has those big Fucking hands everywhere again. One is in Andrew’s hair and the other is on his ass squeezing gently. “Your mouth felt so good. I want to make you cum as hard as I did.” Andrew makes a noise he has never made before. It is a whiney noise, right in Garrett’s ear. Before he even knows which way is up he is shifted onto his back in one quick motion. He loves being manhandled in small ways like that and he is gasping for air.

“Fuck Garr please.”

“What do you want?” Garrett's hand is palming him through his briefs and he just wants them off now.

“Literally anything.” They both know he doesn’t mean it, but his judgment is a little clouded at the moment.

“Want my mouth?”

“Yes,” He can barely think with the way Garrett’s taking the lobe of his ear in his mouth and rubbing over one of his nipples with his thumb.

“Want to hear you say it.” His voice is low, much different than the high worried rambling it was a few minutes ago.

“Want your mouth.”

“Gonna try something, tell me if you don’t like it.” His voice doesn’t change and honestly Andrew’s thankful. He just wants to feel normal for a minute, and he is too lost in all of this to worry about much of anything.

“Please." He feels red with embarrassment from how whiney he is being.

Garrett tugs on the waistband and Andrew immediately lifts his hips up to get rid of his last item of clothing. His long fingers are wrapping around Andrew's cock and it shocks him how much he can take in just his hand. His movements start slow, and Garrett takes one of his nipples in his mouth and sucks lightly. Andrew can't help that his hips are jerking forward in time with Garrett's fist. If he moved his hand any faster he would be over in seconds. That is obviously not his plan though as he snakes his body down kissing Andrew's hip before taking him into his mouth. 

It really isn't fair how skilled he is at this. In just a few movements he is already sunk half way down Andrew's length. True to his word one hand is firm on Andrew's right hip and the weight feels nice to push up against. Garrett's other hand is cupping his balls, rolling them in his hand for a moment before they are sliding further down. Andrew is almost going to question what he is doing when he feels the pads of two of Garrett's fingers press down into the underside of his dick and he can't help the strangled noise that comes out of his mouth. 

"Please don't- ah - stop whatever the fuck you're doing. Going- ahh- going to cum." He can't see anymore. His eyes are shut and his head is thrown back, and he finds himself pushing down onto Garrett's fingers. When Garrett sinks down all the way he is done, shooting straight down his throat without any warning. It feels like it goes on forever, and Garrett just keeps swallowing around him and moving his hand in those circles until he can't take it anymore. He can feel Garrett's head rested on his stomach, but he doesn't have the wherewithal to look down yet. 

"Was that okay?" It shocks Andrew that Garrett seems nervous. Why the hell is he nervous.

"Garrett I don't know what you did but you broke me. I am a broken man. I can't feel my limbs. You are going to have to carry me to the bed." It makes him feel better that Garrett's laughing. 

"I am glad you liked it, was nervous you wouldn't." 

"Pretty sure you could lick my elbow and I would find it hot at this point, but what the hell did you do to me." 

"Has no one ever done that before? Like seriously?"

"No. They should have, but no."

He can feel Garrett pulling his arms up again and he is pulling him into his chest on the opposite end of the couch. 

"I am glad I could make you feel good."

"I am happy we got this couch, but now I am kind of missing your bed." He yawned into Garrett's neck. 

They ended up laying there listening to the final few songs in the movie. Eventually, Andrew felt like he could move again and he slipped his boxer briefs on and his sweatshirt but left his pants on the floor. Garrett just put his shorts on. 

"You look ridiculous," Garrett said laughing at Andrew.

"You are the last person to be saying anything about my clothing Big Guy!" 

Garret just ran up and lifted Andrew into the air. 

"Garrett! Put me down! Garrett! I beg of you!" He continued his screeching all the way into Garrett's bedroom. "Oh my gosh!" 

"That's for making fun of my knick-knacks." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has left comments and kudos and who has been so supportive. I cannot believe the support I have on this story. I also can't believe how long I put this off. I hope it was worth the wait. I also hope it feels the same as before. Life has been crazy, but I am so thankful to all of you who have been here, and who have come back to read this. I honestly don't know where it is going and when I first started it really was supposed to be one-shots. We all know that this is a full-on chaptered fic at this point and I have no end in sight, so we will keep on keeping on.  
> Some non-smut chapters will be coming so if smut is not your jam, do not worry my friend. Also, smut will be coming because like smut. I like writing it in the story because that is what this is, a weird exploration of uncharted territory.  
> Anyway, Love you all.


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